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As the turmoil in the Middle-East continues,
the United Nations scrambles to find safe living arrangements
for people stranded by the ongoing crisis.
Banana, banana, banana, banana, super-duper bubble gum,
fuzzy-wuzzy, fuzzy-wuzzy thick socks.
Okay, I think we're ready.
Three, two, one...
Coming up, part one of our series on the devastating attacks
that rocked Mogadishu.
WPR's Nina Gondiaro reports from the Somali capital.
How was that?
Sound's great. Let's move on.
Okay.
Three, two, one...
Next, an in-depth look at the radical Islamist group, Al-Shabab.
WPR's Petrov Milosh reports from Baghdad.
Is that Milosch or Milos?
Pretty sure it's Milos.
And, that's the kind of day it's been from WPR News.
I'm Vincent Seder.
Vincent, Jason's looking for you,
he wants to know if you got that email about Lebanon?
I did see an email, I did not read it.
We want you to go to Beirut.
You want me to actually go to Lebanon?
The thing is, I have a little conflict, I have a prior commitment,
it's like a family-reunion type deal,
been on the books for weeks,
and, if I miss it, I'll... You know... I'd just feel awful if, uh...
People are counting on me to...
What else is there, if, uh, you know, if, we don't have family.
So, I just think I better...
Okay, so, don't forget, we need those Pakistan voice-overs by tomorrow night.
Yeah, that's easy. No, I got that for sure.
Fanta... I'm looking forward to that,
I thought they were well written.
[Vincent's dad] Beirut? Now, that's crazy,
you're not a Marine, Vincent, you're in public radio.
I know, dad, but I was just thinking that I could, you know--
What're you going to do, bring peace to the Middle-east?
I told you, I got out of it.
[sighs] How's Australia?
Ah, its' great. Of course, your mother can't understand anybody.
[chuckles] Yeah, I bet.
Look, it's sort of a slow news day here,
so, I figured I'd go out and see Nana and Pappy.
Your mom will love that.
[jazz music playing]
[doorbell ringing]
Oh!
Barry...
It's my identical twin cousin.
-How you doing? -Hey, buddy.
-Oh, god... -[laughing]
I didn't know you were going to be here. Easy, easy. Good to see you.
-How you doing? -Killing it.
-Yeah? -Yeah!
-Where you living these days? -Oh, I bounce around.
-Yeah... -I got a gig in the Poker-Knows starting next week.
-Yeah... -It's huge.
They call that the stepping-stone to Vegas.
-Who's they? [laughs sarcastically] -Everyone.
-Yeah, that's good. -Yeah, everybody in the community.
-Yeah, you look good. -Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, you've lost weight in your face.
-Thank you! -All right, all right, all right...
[sighs]
It's nice having company.
Are you staying over-night?
No, I'm... I've got a lot of work.
I've a work-assignment, and, uh...
So, I'm just staying for lunch.
Oh, what are we having?
I really don't know what we're having.
I have a gift. I brought you a gift.
Yeah, I got them a gift.
It's a, um... I'll get it, it's a coffee.
Who doesn't like coffee?
This is a...
Kenyan blend.
A Kenyan coffee.
-Kenyan? -Yeah.
It's a coffee, it has notes of toffee and tangerine.
Very subtle, very fun.
Ah...
-You ever go to Kenya on one of your trips? -No.
Okay, that's, uh, something to look forward to.
[clears throat]
What a thoughtful gift, Vincent.
90 year-old's love to grind their own beans.
Now, did you bring your pour-over kit,
because I don't know how we're going to make it.
I actually did bring my pour-over kit.
It travels well.
I'm going to go get Pappy.
All right, I'll be right back.
How about sandwiches for lunch?
I'll defrost everything.
-I'm happy to run out and pick something up. -There's no bother.
Are we going out to eat?
No, we're not going out, I just told you, we're having sandwiches.
-Okay. [chuckles] -Oh, that's good, I'll make some sandwiches.
Yeah, you know, I've actually been trying to lay off carbs.
Great, we have lots of bread,
we got mayo and mustard,
and, I have just enough cold-cuts, so I think we're in good shape.
-Why 're you always checking your phone? -It's for work.
-You working today? -Yeah.
I heard you jabbering a few days ago about Libya.
Yes, political turmoil and uprising in Libya.
-I thought that turned out great. -Hmm...
It's awful, you know, what's going on over there, but, it's, uh...
The piece was really well produced.
Good piece of sound, very clean edit, I thought.
I'm glad you caught it.
What's it like over there?
In, uh... Where?
Oh, jeez, in Libya!
Well, you know, I wouldn't...
It's difficult to say in one word.
-It's, um... -Foreign? Foreign.
You see, Pappy, I would recommend finding somebody that's actually been to Libya.
Vincent, here, reads a teleprompter for a living.
He probably wasn't even wearing pants when he read that.
Okay, first of all, I'm always wearing pants.
And, second of all, the word I was looking for was unpredictable.
And, finally, it's radio.
So, it's not called the teleprompter.
-What is it called? -It's called the prompter.
-Are we going to have a happy hour? -Oh, Jesus, honey, just sit.
Sit there, I'll go get your pills.
There's uh... Okay, uh, turkey's always healthy.
[sighs]
Hey, who's this, "...political turmoil in Libya"
-Oh... [laughs] -Vincent.
"...reporting live from the service of the sun..."
[chuckles] Okay.
[clears throat]
Boy, nana seems different, huh?
Yeah, ever since her hip surgery, she's needed the pills.
That took a lot out on her.
What exactly is she taking?
One pill to help her sleep, one to wake her up, one for this, one for that...
How do you keep track? [coughs]
[coughing violently]
[clears throat]
You're looking good, though, Pappy.
Oh, what a bullshit, I do not look good.
But, at least I don't sit around all day staring at a god-damned calculator.
Hey, Pappy, did you get that book I sent you on FDR?
It came with the Kindle.
You ever get... Cause I never heard back from you...
Pap...
-Did you ever-- -He can hear you, Vincent, he just doesn't care.
Where was I?
Gloria, you missed two doses today with all the hullabaloo.
So, what's new with you, Barry? Did I hear you joined the circus?
No, Vincent, I did not join the circus,
I'm an actor.
-Right, how's that going? -Fantastic.
Although, everything's dark this time of the year, so I'm taking some time off,
doing the occasional audition, working on my stand-up.
What does that mean, "Everything is dark"?
Well, Hollywood basically shuts down after pilot season,
so, everything's kind of slow from February through July
and then again from September through November.
So, you're saying that people in the entertainment industry
work exclusively in the months of August, December and January.
Hey, I don't make the rules.
Great, what do you do with the rest of your time?
Stand-up comedy.
Can you support yourself doing stand-up comedy around here?
Well, no, not around here. I make money on the road, though.
Okay, doing show and stuff?
No, Uber.
So, on the actual road.
Yeah.
Is there much demand for Uber around here?
No. [mumbles]
Lot of room for growth.
I'm playing the long game.
What's your short game?
I already told you, Vincent, stand-up comedy.
Okay, I got the gig in the Poker-Knows coming up,
and then, who knows, it might be huge.
I'm a lotto ticket, scratch me.
Tell the, uh, agent joke, that's funny!
Yeah, I don't really feel like hearing a joke, so...
You're going to love this.
Okay, so there's this writer in Hollywood,
he's coming home from work one day,
he shows up, his house is on fire,
smoke billowing out of the windows.
All right, so the police chief walks over to him, says, "Is this your house?"
He says, "Yeah, I live here."
He says, "Well, I regret to inform you that your agent stopped by,
"murdered your wife, slaughtered your children, set fire to the house.
"You're lost everything."
This man takes a minute, looks up, he says,
"You mean to tell me my agent stopped by?"
Okay, that's funny. Funny.
-So, laugh! -I am laughing.
Is that how you operate? You're just like a computer?
You just walk around saying emotions, uh, "That's funny", "No bread..."
All right, that's enough.
You're both giving me a headache.
Well, at least Pappy likes my jokes, don't you, Pap?
He's hilarious, huh? [chuckles]
A comedian.
Real comedian.
[clears throat] I got a joke for you, this is a good one.
There's a guy searching, uh, what is it,
there's a guy searching for the meaning of life.
He goes to see a Buddhist guru, and he goes up and says, "Hey, what's the meaning of life?"
And, the guru says to him, "Life is like a fountain."
And, the guy thinks about it for a second, he says, "I don't think life is like a fountain."
And then the guru says, "Eh, you could be right."
I think I'm missing a part of that, that's why...
You know, let me... Guru...
You're going to love this one.
There's Dmitri and Slavos, and they're at the, uh...
He, Pappy?
Three for you.
Hey, hey, hey, look at this, what is this?
-What's going on? Huh? -He's resting, he does that.
-What? -He's napping.
-Why the hell did you smack him so hard? -I barely touched him.
I think you may have killed him.
Okay, I did not kill him.
He's resting.
-Resting... -Right?
I don't think he's breathing.
He does not appear to be breathing.
Barry, cue Barry, do something, check his pulse, get in there, get...
in the gills.
[mockingly] "...in the gills." He's not a fish.
Oh, oh God.
-Pass me the glass, pass me the glass. -What?
What're you doing?
It's not fogging, it's supposed to fog.
Jesus...
Okay, okay...
I don't feel anything.
[laughs hysterically]
-What are you doing? -Nothing.
-Are you laughing? -No, obviously not. [laughs]
-He's dead. -I know he's dead!
I know.
-Nana is right over there. -I know.
Oh, this is awful. [laughs]
Is this how you react in a crisis?
No wonder they keep you locked up in a sound booth.
Shut up, I can't control it.
It's nervous laughter, you pointing it out makes it worse.
-I cannot believe you. -[laughs]
So, this is hilarious but when I tell a good joke, it's that funny?
-Oh, you're unbelievable. -I am unbelievable.
Are we going out to eat?
We might be.
It's time for her nap, put her to bed.
Okay... What? I can't.
Would you rather stay here with the body?
No.
Just take a seat here, there we go.
Get you up, up, up, up... There we go.
Lie down, we have a fun day ahead of us.
-Okay. -What kind of fun?
Well, we've got lots of activities lined up for us,
we have lots of calling people and people calling us...
Lots of activities.
So, I just... We're going to come back and we're going to wake you in a little bit.
I'm not tired.
I think you will feel so much better
if you can just lie down and get a little nap.
There it is... All right, how does that sound?
How does that sound?
That's what I thought.
So...
Yeah...
Hey, what's the game plan, here?
Do you remember Aunt Gladys? She was crazy...
Barry, focus!
I am focused.
I called my parents, you try your mom.
-[Vincent's dad] Please leave a message after the tone. -[phone beeps]
Dad, I hope you're checking messages, it's urgent, give me a call.
You talked to your folks? Are they coming out here?
-No, Vincent, nobody wants my folks here. -Right.
Well, we need to call somebody, a doctor, a Rabbi...
A Rabbi? What the fuck is a Rabbi going to do, we can handle this ourselves.
We cannot handle this ourselves, okay?
There's a very fragile woman sleeping in the next room who has no idea what's going on.
-Now what're you doing? -I am looking up a mortician, okay?
Because that is who you call when someone dies.
And we need to call a doctor for Nana, too.
I don't know what kind of medication she needs to stay alive,
and the last thing you and I need is for bodies to be piling up.
-Okay, she'll be fine. -You have no idea
-what you're talking about. -Neither do you.
Hey, laughing over a dead body?
Where'd you learn that charming bedside manner, journalism school?
Hello, my name is [clears throat] Vincent Seder, and I'd like to report a death.
-Can you hold, please? -I will hold, yeah.
There is nothing you could have done. It was a stroke.
What about our grandmother?
Well, clearly she's going to need someone to stay with her indefinitely.
See, my parents are in Sydney.
And mine are useless.
Well, then, I guess it's up to you two.
Barry... Barry is definitely an option, just, uh...
I've got to get back to work.
You say he was just sitting down when it happened?
Yeah.
I would just add, while you're making notes, that he, uh...
He was technically... He wasn't... He was hit.
He was also... He did hit him.
Wait, I did not hit him.
-You say he was hit. -No.
-He was not hit. -He was struck.
-I tapped him, and you don't need to write it down. -I would put it down.
Was that a tap or a hit?
Well, let's see, I can't remember...
-Shove... -Shove?
-Just... -[groans]
Cool.
I don't remember it that way, well, I remember it, because it just happened.
So, it's still so, it's still raw, you know?
The way that I remember...
Hey! Nip it!
-[cell phone beeps] -One second.
It was his time.
You have my sympathies.
-[sighs] -Okay.
-Uh, I would cover him with a blanket. -Okay.
-Hey, doctor. -Hey.
I know you need to go play tennis, but, is there anyway you could stay longer?
We haven't told our grandma yet.
Ah, Barry, Vincent...
It's been a shock, it'll take some time.
Life has its ebbs and flows and this is one of those ebbs.
-Yeah... -[chuckles]
The mortician should be here within an hour.
Oh, and one more thing, just in case,
you should get your nana out of here before he gets here,
she could really lose it.
Uh, good luck with that, bye-bye. [laughs]
[phone ringing]
-Hello? -[Vincent's dad] Vincent?
Dad, hey!
-How's the visit going? -Good, I'm really good, actually.
-Pappy died. -What?
Oh, my god.
Oh, shit.
I know it is a shock, um,
it's an ebb and a flow, so, you know, as they say in life.
But, uh, listen, when do you think you'll be able to get out here?
I don't know. Your mother's going to be devastated.
The doctor said that someone needs to be around Nana at all times, which I agree with
and Barry has some job on the East Coast.
I don't know when that's going to happen again and I can't...
It's, uh... It's going to take us a couple days to get back.
Um, you know... I know, I know what...
Look up a place called Memories.
It's a seniors home in the city,
I think your mom made arrangements in case this happened.
We'll call them, you just get her there.
Yeah... Yeah, no, we can, uh... That's a good plan.
That's a huge help to the family, Vincent.
All the funeral stuff can wait, okay?
Okay, thanks.
How you doing, man?
I'm just letting it all sink in.
I know, it is hard.
Yeah, thanks.
So, look it, I think, I think I'm going to take off.
Um, I got a big assignment and I got to get a jump on that.
I feel like you've got this.
You know, you have everything under control and I'd just be getting in your way.
What, are you kidding me?
-Look, I'm not good in these situations, okay? -Situations?
You mean life?
There is no fucking way you are leaving me alone to deal with this.
I just talked to my dad.
He said you're the better one to take Nana to the Memories facility, okay?
Those are his words, okay? She's more comfortable with you, anyway.
-I'll be getting in your way. -Not going to happen.
My car won't even make it, anyhow.
-What are you talking about? -It is totally unreliable.
You're an Uber driver, how can your car be totally unreliable?
I never said I was doing well.
-What's wrong with your car? -Nothing, I need it.
To report on Syria from a sound booth.
Oh, excuse me if journalism doesn't go dark.
-Okay, I can't be... -Can't be what?
Bothered by a family crisis?
Keep your voice down, she's sleeping.
We're going back to the city.
We're going to pack Nana up and take your car.
So, go call your dad, and tell him we got it figured out.
Hi, Nan!
Jesus Christ!
Who the hell are you?
It's Vincent! It's your grandson!
You remember me, we're going on a little trip.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
[both screaming]
Okay, okay not funny, not funny, Barry!
Hey, we got to go, okay, she's awake and very hostile.
-Well, give her another pill. -No, we don't have time for that, okay?
She just catapulted a clock at my head.
The mortician's going to be here any minute.
-Code red. -What is code red?
Code red, okay? Let's go.
Here we go.
Charge, all right? We're going forward.
-Who's that? -That is the electrician, okay?
You're a little early.
Just in the living room, it's the breaker and it's definitely dead.
Yeah, all right, here we go.
-Hey! -Yes! [mumbles]
I want to move ahead like we're getting in the car.
So, we're tacking to the left.
And, halt!
-Can I ask you something? -Yes.
Do you ever shut up, you're giving me such a headache.
Good note, all right.
-Get in the car. -I can get in.
-Yeah, just watching. -I can get in.
-Okay. -Very good.
-[sighs] -Very good.
-Closing the door, three, two... Yahtzee. -Oh, stop that!
-It's hot in here. -I understand.
-Do you have any water? -I am hot, too.
-I got water... -You got water, you got air conditioning?
-Oh, thank you, thank God, okay. -Just a second, just a second.
Where's Lou?
That is a good... Nana, wait, hold that thought, and go ahead and take these pills.
-Oh, my pills! -Let's go, chew time.
It's one o'clock and that is... What has gotten in to you?
Please don't do that, it's very upsetting.
Well, don't upset me, then!
It's upsetting when you walked me in here because I can't open this door.
-Okay, I understand. -That's upsetting.
-That is upsetting. -Message received.
-Barry, get in the car. Wait! You have to wait! -Unlock the door.
I am... You have to wait!
I am unlocking and you're pulling at the same time,
which doesn't work! All right!
Get in the car you big gorilla, good God!
What the hell's going on, you big gorilla!
-What did you do to her? -I lost the pills.
-I want to know where we're going! -We're going out to eat, Nan!
You were the one who wanted to go out to eat, are you not hungry?
Yes, I am hungry. I'm always hungry, actually.
-Where's Lou? -He's not coming.
-What're you doing? -Don't touch the...
I need the map to know where we're going,
how am I supposed to know where we're going if you take my map?
-Maps not going anywhere. Watch the road! -What do you...
I am watching the road. How am I supposed to know where I'm going?
-I need to see the-- -Okay, you're going straight for 65 miles.
Yeah, well, but the ETA changes based on the traffic.
-What's the ETA? -It says we're going to be there in a while.
It relaxes me to see the fake road and the fake car trod along the map.
It's a real car on a real road and we're just going to keep going straight.
So, I've booked the place for the night.
-It's, uh, right up the freeway. -What?
No, we can get there... Look, we'll be at Memories by dinner and we'll just be done with it.
Be done with it? Nice.
First of all, they can't even take her till tomorrow morning.
Are you kidding?
I got a VO on Pakistan, I got a million things to do.
This was supposed to be lunch.
Clearly, I don't know what's going on in Pakistan,
but the situation on the ground here, has changed.
[humming]
You know, we still have to tell her she lost her husband of 60 years.
We can do that over lunch.
The food is very comforting.
[laughs]
Oh, yeah.
Okay, great, great, thanks.
Doctor said she won't die without the pills.
Who's not going to die?
Oh, nothing.
Nana, we have to talk to you about something that happened earlier.
Yeah, I would wait on that, though, let's order, let's get an order in.
Oh, my goodness,
there's cake and banana split, and...
-You know you're looking at the dessert menu... -I Know.
Wow!
No, we need to talk to you about something that happened earlier.
I'm going to have the banana split and the strawberry shake.
Pappy's dead.
[Waitress] What can I get you?
I heard banana split, you want... Yeah, let's go three on the banana split,
just three, and bring it out when it's ready.
What?
Pappy died. He died this morning.
Take it easy, take it easy.
Just trying to make it clear that he's never coming back.
Okay, I think you're making it painfully clear.
[sobbing]
Oh, my god, why did you...
You should have seen him, though, he was in his chair, he was in his chair...
I'm sorry, Nana.
We should have said something.
[sighs] Yes, you should have.
We freaked out and we should have said something but he wanted to get out of there.
Why does everybody want to protect me?
We just love you and we want to take care of you.
So, you're going to take care of me?
-You want to take care of me? -No, not us.
Somebody... We're taking you to a place where some people can look after you.
It's an assisted living facility, you know...
-It's, uh-- -It's great.
It's a nurturing environment.
You know, it's okay to be sad, nana, it's okay...
-Let's talk about Lou. -Let's talk about Lou,
let's talk about whatever's going on in your head,
whatever feelings you're feeling, emotions, just let it out.
Yeah, or don't, or choose not to, you know, 'cause that is a choice
and I would just say, you know, that's your private business.
We want to respect that.
But, we are family and we're here for you.
So, who better to share this with than your family.
I... I don't know, I just think less is more.
There's so much more you can learn in what's not said than what's said.
If we're looking at this like a chart, if we're trying to chart this thing,
you know, we've got me here, Barry's here, we got the graph,
and we've got this chart with the pie chart here, we're working our way up.
Everybody's spinning and nobody knows why.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm saying let's get a happy hour, all right?
Let's get a happy hour and get back in the car.
How you doing back there, Nan?
-Oh, fuck off. -Okay.
Copy that.
What in the hell are you doing?
Coffee stuff plays really well.
It's all about finding the right hashtag, you wouldn't understand.
Yeah!
Yeah, I bet the internet can't wait to see what you're drinking, Vincent.
[Barry] When was the last time you got laid?
[Vincent] I don't want to talk about that.
-You don't want to talk about anything. -[car door closes]
I'm sorry if I don't feel the need to share every thought that enters my head.
[mockingly] Grandpa's dead, he died in his favorite chair, he died sitting down.
That was a touchy obituary in there!
I'm sorry if I didn't have my grandpa's dead script in front of me.
I'm figuring this out, okay, I don't know what I'm doing!
At least I have real stories to share about them, you know, from actual visits.
I'm treating Nana like a human being, Vincent.
You, on the other hand, are treating her like she's a fucking child.
You're a child! You're a freeloader.
-Pretending to be an actor, pretending to be an Uber driver. -Me?
Vincent, you're a war correspondent who's afraid to leave the sound studio.
You stop by Nana and Pappys and just see how quickly you can leave.
Hey, I'm here doing everything I can do, okay?
I called the doctor, I packed up Nan, who nearly assaulted me,
I'm driving us to Memories in my car!
I'm right here!
Yeah, okay.
Where's Nana?
What?
Shit.
Ah, she's like an ex-con who finally busted out.
Really never took her anywhere.
He couldn't, you saw her at the house,
Pappy was being pretty liberal with those sedatives.
Yeah, but she needed those pills, right,
after the fall she had, the surgery.
That's what everyone says, but I think the meds slowed her down.
-She should have been running free. -She's not a deer.
This is a disaster.
What the hell is this place?
Nan, hey!
You've got to get back in the car, okay?
I'm not leaving!
Come on, Nan, come on, we got to go, we know you're upset.
You have no idea what I am.
How do we get it to stop?
Is there an operator?
Operator?
One ride, okay? One ride.
It's just one ride.
[bell ringing]
[indistinct chatter]
Okay, I'm ready.
[yawns]
Why are you looking at me?
No reason.
-Look ahead, what are you, you know? -You're just, so...
I'm so aware that you're in the car with me.
It's interesting, some people who can, who are unable to disappear.
You're definitely one of those people,
it's like, when you're there, Barry's there, you're always around, eh?
-You're the loud voice. -It's a good thing, yeah, presence.
It is presence, but it's not very subtle.
Get back here and cover me, cover me, hurry up, hurry up.
Hurry up!
-there's people all over the place. -Just pee! Just pee on the back.
Come here! Get close.
Dude, everybody can see me, get over here.
Get over here!
All right, fine, go, here.
-What're you doing, man? -It's windy. It's windy!
What is wrong with you?
[Barry] I want to go back to boats.
Do you think people have to pay rent for boats?
Or, are they renting the water? Are they renting... What if you own the boat?
Do you rent the water it's sitting on?
Why don't you work things out in your head and then work them out in real life later, you know?
Just google stuff, make a list of things you want to google
and then you can quietly google them.
I thought maybe you might have, you know, covered a story on that or something.
I don't think about boats that much, where people live on a boat.
You should have a blog.
Hello, welcome to the Riverrain, can I have your name?
-Yeah, Vincent-- -I got this.
Barry Sachs.
Mr. Sachs.
Oh, you're headlining at the Hotsy-Totsy.
We have you down for two rooms and open mic starts at 10 p.m.
Thank you very much, Nadine.
Uh, this does come with the senior discount, right?
Absolutely.
Just let me know if there's anything else I can get for you.
I will.
Yeah, I would love a little WiFi.
-Yeah, yeah, can I get more towels? -Nadine?
Barry, you are so charming and tall.
I'll bet a lot of women just fall really hard for you, huh? [chuckles]
She works for a hotel in Merced.
That's for disrespecting a really lovely young woman.
And that's for him.
You are impossible!
This is why we're having a sleepover,
so we can watch you perform an open mic off the highway?
Do you have any idea how selfish that is?
Look, it's going to be a blast, okay, I'm sure they got WiFi.
-You can work in the room, do you want anything? -No, I don't want anything.
Nan, we're right here, okay, I'm going to be a little late for Barry's big show
'cause I have some broadcasts to record.
Uh, voice-overs are not broadcasts.
He doesn't know anything, he doesn't know anything.
Stop it, you've both got big dicks.
-She's back. -[door closes]
Yes, WiFi, here we go!
Thank God!
Oh, look, radio lives another day.
Shecky Greene, you want to prepare for tonight,
do some crowd work, you know, loosen up.
No, no, I don't, I want to relax.
My act is influenced by people like Bruce, Prior, professionals.
Stream of consciousness stuff, rapid-fire observations.
So interesting.
Hearing you talk about your work, it's really, you know, it's inspiring.
[sobs]
[Vincent] From WPR in Washington, I'm Vincent Seder.
Is that really the voice you use?
You know we're not even in Washington, why do you keep saying that?
Yes, this is the voice I use, I'm just checking the levels.
-From WPR in Washington-- -Vincent, you sound fucking insane.
Just use your normal voice.
These are honed oratory skills, all right, not just anybody can do this.
[clears throat] Three, two, one, coming up!
Inside the harrowing experience of three American hostages held in Lahore.
I'm back in the game, baby!
-What are you talking about? -Old Barry's booked himself an audition.
I thought you said everything was dark.
No, no, no, no, no, Criminal Eyes.
It's a procedural guest spot.
-Jesus! -Oh, this is perfect!
-They want me to put myself on tape! -What does that mean?
Exactly what it sounds like! Okay, hold on, hold on.
It's downloading, okay, here we go, got it.
Okay, character description,
I'm the tech guy, Jimmy!
Jimmy, the tech guy!
Oh, it's good when they have a name!
Here's what it says, Jimmy is sweet and unusual-looking.
Perfect.
Okay, Vincent, I'm definitely going to need your help running lines
and then you got to operate camera.
No, I've got a lot of work to do.
Okay, uh, do you want to put pants on?
-No, no, no, you just shoot me from here, up. -Okay.
Just a second.
Rolling.
Hello, My name is Barry Sachs and I'm reading for the role of Jimmy.
Action.
Uh... [clears throat]
[mumbles] Okay... Uh, reading...
They say that the attacker served time in the military, and may have suffered from...
Whoops, P.T.S.D.
Say, Jimmy,
you need to run a search on every active military base in the south west
between the years 1997 to 2003. I need you...
I feel like I have all the lines, here.
Keep going.
But, Jimmy, I need you to run a search on every active military base
in the south west between the years 1997 to 2003, got it?
Do you got it, though? 'Cause those are the years that we have him listed.
What do you see, Ace? Anything?
Hey, hey, hey, talk to me, Ace, what do you got for me?
No, I'm not getting anything.
Wait a minute.
I'm in!
How was I?
I have no idea, you barely say anything.
Vincent, acting is reacting.
Okay, let's watch the tape!
-Did you see me looking off? -I saw it, it was brilliant.
-Hold on. Yeah. -I was pretending somebody's over there.
-Play. -No, I'm not getting anything.
Look, I look off...
Wait a minute, I'm in.
Nailed it.
I crushed at one take! Let's send it in.
I feel like we should do multiple takes to give you insurance.
No, Vincent, fuck them.
They get one take, either they like me or they don't.
Okay, I love the confidence.
I remember you.
Remember me?
No. Hey, hey, not good, not cool, that's a work computer.
-It's fine, I'll clear the cache. -It's not fine, they can see it,
the cookies, if they look, or something.
What the hell is that, have you used that before?
It's a niche site, and yes, I've used it before.
It's women looking to commit crimes against me.
Look at that.
Jesus, this girl is hot.
Let me see?
Ah...
How do these girls live in this dumpy town?
You can find beauty in every corner,
if you open your eyes, Mr. Senior war correspondent.
These babes don't live in the town, they live in a 25-mile radius.
This looks like a dating site from hell.
I don't want to be involved in this.
Vincent, guess what I grabbed before leaving the house today.
Condoms?
No, that's not me.
No, it's better than you.
And, yeah, I got condoms.
Why the hell did you grab his bath robe?
-It's vintage. -[knocking at door]
Wow!
[Host] All right, all right, listen up you scumbags,
it's comedy night at the Hotsy Totsy club.
I hope you're ready to have a good time, maybe a little laughter...
Oh, my, they really know how to make a martini, here, it's the best.
The best kind of martini is the one that has almost no vermouth at all.
It's sort of mostly straight gin.
Did you ever see that Dean Martin movie where he wants a very dry martini,
and he takes the glass of gin,
puts sugar, goes to the refrigerator,
shows it to the bottle of vermouth and closes the door?
-Is Don Rickles in that? -No.
Okay, I don't think I saw it.
Next up, we've got this guy, his name is Jeff,
I think he's got a twitter account or something
I don't know... Come on, Jeff, let's see what you can do.
Let's see what you can do? Okay.
-You nervous? -No.
Really?
Wow.
-Zoning. -Uh huh.
-Vincent, if it's funny, you can laugh. -If it's funny, I will laugh.
Chug-a, chug-a, choo, choo.
Good luck.
-Christ. -Is he funny?
-Not really. -Wow.
So, I've been trying to lose weight.
Gained a lot of weight, I'm trying to lose it.
Dude, I cannot do salad any longer.
So....
-How's your girlfriend? -What? Oh, uh...
We broke up.
-Yeah. -No, really?
-Yeah, yeah. -Why, what happened?
Um, we were... What... What happened...
It's a long story.
We just drifted, you know, I think, in any relationship it's give and take, you know,
I had this secret sauce that you need, and if you don't have that ingredient,
-you can-- -Well, you wanted to sleep with other people.
-What's that? -Oh, come on, honey, I got it.
Everybody wants to do that.
Hey, fucking is great but you can't fuck forever.
-You know what I'm saying? -Yeah, I do.
I mean, you can't spend the day, what're you going to spend, what, five minutes,
six minutes at the most because you're a young person,
but, you know, it's the rest of your life that you have to worry about.
-You know? -Yeah, I get it.
So...
-Listen to me, I know these things. -I'm listening.
I mean, I'm not my age for nothing, right?
I wonder when they get, when the show starts 'cause I thought it was a...
The male member has no conscience.
It thinks only about itself.
It is a slut.
Give me, give me, give me, I want, I want, I want.
You can't live by that, because, if you do,
you listen to all those give me, give me's, you're going to get psycho.
Yeah, get me, get me, get me out of here, you know.
We've got an amazing show tonight, our headliner, I don't know how we got him,
but we got him,
please welcome Mr. Barry Sachs.
-Barry, come on in. -[cheers and applause]
-Good to see you. -Good to be back, thank you very much.
Hello, Hotsy Totsy, how we doing tonight?
Old exit 52!
My favorite exit.
Perfect, ooh.
-[feedback over mic] -Hot mic, hot mic!.
Yeah, thank you all for coming out.
Uh, I do want to give a shout out there to my fan club in the back,
uh, my cousin Vince, there, hi Vincent, he is a virgin,
so, if anybody's looking for an easy lay, that's probably your go to,
and then, my grandma's back there too, this is the first time she's seen me perform.
Hi, Nana, yes, yes, you look marvelous.
Got, I don't remember this being so short, did you add this in, Paul?
Okay...
So, uh, my grandfather died this morning.
Uh...
I thought that was going to hit, um...
Going through some God troubles right now,
trying to figure out what is, uh, what's my purpose.
You know, I picture him in a boardroom of sorts with all the other creators,
and he's kind of like the stoner-guy, he's got the big beard
you know, he comes in, he's late, you know,
and he's got shit falling out of his bag, you know,
he's got his easel, he sets up, he's like, "Sorry, yes, okay.
"This thing is called the Earth, um, it's blue."
And then that's pretty much all he had, so he starts improvising,
he's like, "This is a snake,
"uh, it's just one, it's just a single thing.
"Next thing, this here, uh, this ones great, this is a spider.
"Uh, its' got... Why does it have eight legs, why not."
How many legs does it take, how many legs do you need, how many eyes, you know.
You've got, you know... If you can't do it with four,
is six going to help?
Shit, maybe you can even befriend a pig one day, who knows,
then you can write a story about it.
Uh, I'm getting the light, that's my time guys,
I'm Barry Sachs, thanks for having me, I'll be in the Poker-Kows next week.
-Thank you, I'll see you at the bar. -[applause]
-Hey! -Hey.
Oh, you were wonderful.
-Yeah? -You were great.
-Hey, takes after me, gets it from me. -Yeah.
I bet... You... Honestly, you were very good.
You were... You have great presence.
Yeah, yeah, I'm glad you guys saw it.
-Lets get another drink. -Oh, oh, please.
-I'm going to sleep, you-- -Whoa, whoa, whoa...
-Okay. -You get the drink.
I'll take her, I will take her, yeah, I got it.
No, no, you go and meet people, all right?
Have fun, meet people.
-Stop winking at me. -Yeah.
Oh, my goodness, that was so much fun.
Right?
There you go, you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine, go ahead, sweety.
I'm just going to rest, get some sleep, okay?
Okay.
I love you, Nan.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, thanks for the drink.
You got it, thanks for coming out.
Yeah.
-When was the last time you got laid? -Why do you keep asking me that?
-Because you keep not answering it. -I get laid, okay?
Presidents' Day, if you have to know, how about that?
It wasn't that long ago.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere, um...
What's uh... What do you use, give me a sample, give me a sample.
You're insufferable, what do you mean, "A sample"?
What do you mean, "A sample"?
Well, you know, women, women who frequent this site, the love verbal men.
-Shit. -Okay, so then you should play to your oratory skills.
-Okay. -Play to your strengths.
-If you know how to go talk to a woman. -I know how to talk to women.
-Talk to her, okay... -I don't need advice.
-I just talk normally. -Come on, let me have it, let it rip.
-I say what you say, I say a lot of stuff. -Let it rip!
-Stop saying "let it rip." -Let it rip!
-Stop harassing me. -Tell me, tell me what you do.
When you really want to dress them down, get inside there, beat it up.
-All right. Beat it up. -What do you do?
I just, I don't know, riff, I just say, you know, I just freestyle, I guess.
You know, how about, "Over here."
What about when I... Here versus here.
Compare, contrast. Do you want me to... Can I get you anything?
Have you been looked after?
Do you want anything? How about, you know...
What is wrong with you? What is... What is wrong with you!
-You don't ask-- -What is the matter with you,
you're asking if they're taken care of?
-What are you, their foster parents? -Oh, look...
People like... They're check-ins, okay?
No, no, no, You're got to tell them what to do.
You've got to really lay it out for them.
-You've got to be abrupt-- -Yeah, right, so I would say this,
"You fucking loser."
"Hey, hey you, you fucking idiot"
You're not insulting them.
Vicious in a kind way.
Hey, you know, don't take this personally, but, fuck off.
-Okay... -Why don't you tell me what you say, you know,
That's why you asked these questions in the first place, so that you can talk.
-I don't-- -Forest to Barry, like always.
Ladies and gentlemen, Barry Sachs.
I want you to scream my name when you cum.
You work for me now.
Don't bother filling out the W2, 'cause it's going to be a W69.
Have you ever laid pipe before? Well, start digging.
-I hope you like being shackled. -Uh, what?
My balls need a place to stay.
Any one of those will do.
You pick and choose your favorite and you just throw it at them.
Gentlemen.
-Hello, my name's Barry, this is Vincent. -Hi.
-We need a round please, in shots? -Yes.
Shots.
[techno music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
All right, when's he coming back?
You see him? You see anything?
[disco music playing]
[Barry humming]
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the pool.
The pool, the pool is closed, see, it closes at 10, it's after 11.
-So what. -Boo.
I am the head-liner!
-Yes! -And they let me do what I want.
Yeah, you do.
I'll take care of this.
[screams]
We're going to have to find another way.
I'll see you guys on the other side.
-Just use this, here. -[screams]
[humming tune]
Here he is, my buddy.
And now, the object of the game is to get undressed quickly
so that we can get in quickly.
Get in there, get in, and I'll...
I'm going to be on lookout first so I'll do the first watch.
-Vincent, get in the god damned spa. -Come on!
[howling]
At all, I don't need that, I don't like that, actually.
-Oh... -Oh, climb the ladder.
Come to Barry.
Is that a jet or are you just excited to see me.
Oh, you make me feel like a star.
Maybe we should get out of here.
Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
Hey, he will be fine, I think.
-Marco. -Polo.
Should I close my eyes?
-You like that? Do you like that? -Hey, yeah!
[shudders]
Oh, brr, brr.
Brr.
It is freezing.
-Oh, it is... Yeah. -You need body heat.
That was a great movie, you ever see that one?
Help me, I'm drowning.
Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
[screaming]
-Does that tickle? -Yeah!
-[howls] -[laughs]
-Make yourself at home. -I will.
Oh, man!
-Oh, hey... -Yeah.
Is it Alicia or Alicia?
-Alicia. -Alicia, okay.
-Leash! -Yeah, good.
What... Did you say you were in to cooking?
Make pterodactyl noises, Barry.
-Barry, pterodactyl noises, please? -[caws]
I love it.
You know, I got to get up pretty early in the morning
if you want to get to a farmers' market and get good produce.
[screams]
Look harder, Barry, look!
Okay.
Barry...
-Go the fuck away. -Okay.
Do you have a condom?
I put one inside your blazer.
Okay, good thinking.
Hey, it's jumbo.
-I know. -Do you have anything for a medium-sized penis?
-Just use it. -I'll be swimming in it.
Then go buy one upstairs from the vending machine.
Do you need anything from the vending machine while I'm up there?
-Fuck off. -Perfect.
[sobbing]
Nana?
[Nana sobbing uncontrollably]
Nana, what's the matter?
-What's the matter? -I want...
-You all right? -I want to go home.
I miss Lou so much.
I know.
I don't want to be alone.
I don't know where we're going.
I, I, I don't... I can't sleep all alone.
I can't, I can't sleep alone.
-I know. -I just can't. I... I...
-I'm here, I'm right here. -I don't want to be alone.
-I'm right here, okay? -I don't want to be alone.
Everybody's going to get together for Pappy.
Everybody's going to be there for him and everybody's going to be there for you.
Just close your eyes, close your eyes and everything will be okay.
You're not alone.
I'm right here with you.
Shit.
Nan?
[bottles clinking]
[phone vibrating]
Hey, hey, have you seen Nan?
-No? -Nan, can you describe her?
-She's an old woman. -I haven't--
[Spanish music playing]
Hey, what are you doing?
Hi darling, how did you sleep?
You know, you really need to start telling us when you're leaving.
-Hey, come dance with me, come on. -No, I...
Honestly, I haven't had coffee.
No, no, just follow my lead.
I hate dancing.
Stop it, Vincent!
Why must every woman smack me?
Okay, you know, you're just afraid of messing up.
It's what you can do! All you can do is mess up!
-Do it! -Okay.
[singing in Spanish]
[exclaims]
-Don't get carried away. -Okay.
Was he mugged?
What is it, property, what?
-Property of Alicia and, what does that say? -Joe?
How you doing? How you feeling?
Why're you wearing my shirt?
Oh, I grabbed it, I couldn't find mine.
Yeah, I couldn't find my shirt, so I took yours.
Barry, what happened?
-Water. -For coffee? Sure.
You know what, I've got it taken care of right here.
Oh, you're such a good friend.
-Yeah, it travels well. -Really, you are, you know.
-What happened last night? -I want to know.
I mean, I would love to know what explains the...
And I would love to know everything down here as well.
So, just be specific, you know, let it rip.
Let it rip, let it rip, Barry.
-Dad, hey. -[Vincent's Dad] Hey, how are you?
Yeah, I'm good, I'm good, I'm just... Finished up a run,
and things are good. What... Yeah.
Look, I, um...
I just wanted to tell you were on our way to Memories
but I don't think she needs to go there.
What are you talking about?
I just don't think she needs to be institutionalized just yet.
What? They don't have straight jackets there, Vincent, it's assisted living.
I know, I know, but I was thinking maybe she could live with...
Maybe, she'd come live with you.
That's not realistic.
I mean, she could live with me.
What, are you kidding, Vincent? You're not thinking clearly.
What if she falls down or breaks a hip?
Do you really want to become her full-time caretaker?
Huh, lot of fun stuff here.
There's a sing-along the Thursday of every month, second Thursday.
I think this will be, this will be all right, Nan.
Sure.
Hey, Barry, tell her a joke.
Nana, Barry's going to tell you a joke.
He's got a great-- He's got a great joke for you, tell her the...
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
They don't have a home.
Yeah, that wasn't the one I was thinking of, I had another...
Why don't you tell her the other one?
So, there's a guy who's really depressed.
And then he walks in to the library and he goes to the librarian and he says,
"Do you have any books on committing suicide?"
-Good, good. -Welcome to Memories.
We're going to take you to your room, now, Gloria.
Let's unpack your things, Nan?
Actually, we'll take care of that.
It's time for lunch.
But, I already ate.
We like to get our residents on a good schedule.
-Yeah, but I already-- -Yeah, she did just eat.
It's our job to keep them safe and healthy.
When did I become a "them"?
I'll give you three a few moments to say goodbye.
[clears throat]
Hey, is there anything else you need?
No.
Uh, I'm going to see you real soon, okay?
I'm going to see you on Saturday.
And we can go for lunch and we can get a happy hour and we can do a whole...
bunch of things, all right?
Hi, I'm going to see you as soon as I'm back from my trip, okay, my big trip.
[door closes]
-What the fuck are we doing? -Come on, Barry, we can't--
I'll be back in a couple of weeks, Vince.
We can get an apartment together, then Nana can come live with us.
That's not realistic.
Okay, yeah, she doesn't want to be here,
but look at this place, it's nice.
The people, they look relatively happy.
We cannot take this on.
You know, everybody always thinks it's a good idea
for old people to go live with their family?
But, then nobody wants to take that on.
That's not going to be me.
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
Okay, think about it, what if she falls down and breaks her hip,
how's that going to make you feel?
Do you want to sign up to be her full-time caretaker?
You're not making sense.
I'm being rational, I'm making sense, I'm making smart choices.
Why can't she live with you?
You live alone, you have an apartment, it's on the ground floor,
you never travel.
I can't. I really can't do that, I can't do that.
-Why not? -I just cannot do that.
I cannot do that right now, okay?
Or, you won't?
Just like always.
Who's place is this?
You know you can crash... You can crash with me tonight.
-Oh, that's okay. -You sure?
Yeah.
I, uh... You should shoot me a text this week.
I don't know what your week's like but I'm open.
I'm like, I'm pretty good, so...
We could get together, go, I don't really care what we do, you know,
go grab dinner, go see a show, we can see one of your-- When's your next comedy show?
-Uh, I'll have to look in to it. -Yeah.
Let me know, though Text me.
Hey, Barry?
Let me know if you want me to wait, I could wait and see if you get in.
Barry?
I'll just wait for a minute.
[Jason] Vincent, it's Jason,
uh, just wanted to make sure you're solid on the Lahore piece.
Vincent, you said you'd have it by end of day, that's now, where are you?
Coming up, inside the harrowing experience of three hostages.
Recording levels testing.
Take three, two, one,
Coming up, inside the harrowing experience of three American hostages held in Lahore.
A US Military spokesman said, "We will not leave any man behind.
"We will continue to fight and do all that is in our power to bring them back."
The Pakistani government issued a... Stop.
Take four, three, two, one.
Pakistani government said... Don't take a pause there.
Coming up, inside the harrowing experience of three American hostages held in Lahore.
A US Military spokesman said, "We will not leave any man behind."
We will not leave any man behind.
Jason, yeah, look, I'm not going to get it in, okay?
Because, why? Well, I'm going dark.
Why're you dressed like that?
Why aren't you? I told you to wear all black
I thought you were joking, want me to lower you in from the ceiling?
-You look good. -Just go.
Hey!
You do realize it's day-time out so your black outfit isn't exactly camouflage.
I thought it would be darker.
What exactly is the plan here?
We're breaking her out! God damn it.
Are we allowed to break her out?
I think we can just wait until the morning.
Fuck that!
-I'm going in. -What has gotten in to you!
-Excuse me, sir? -Shit!
Uh, are you here for a visit?
No, we're not visiting, we're taking our grandmother back.
Okay, that's fine, I just ask that next time you don't stomp all over the bushes
because, uh, our residents put a lot of care in to that.
Okay.
And, if you could just sign in, please?
Uh, we're looking for Gloria Sachs, she's old.
She's probably...
Uh, yeah, I don't know and of the residents' rooms by name,
but, uh, a nurse can come by and help you find her.
Sorry about the bushes, yeah?
-It's gorgeous. -Thank you.
Yeah, it's really welcoming.
[murmuring]
Oh, what the hell are you wearing?
-Ethan Hunt over here didn't want to trip and lasers. -We're here to bust you out.
What took you so long?
It's the last time.
Okay, let's go.
-We should also go over some ground rules. -Yeah?
-Barry, no more savagery in the bedroom. -Okay.
You understand, nothing off the internet.
-No internet. -No internet.
No internet sex, and you, no more hitting.
Is that negotiable?
That is, uh... That's funny.
See, Nana, that's how you know something is funny,
'cause Vincent, here, will tell us it's funny.
That's mine.
Unless we're dying, then he'll be in hysterics.
Or, apparently, if you're trying to have sex with him.
-What do you mean? -Oh, I heard all about it, big boy.
-Nana, was Lou much of a talker? -Don't do that.
He was an animal.
-How so? -Please don't ask follow-up questions.
My grandfather belonged to the greatest generation.
He left behind photos from the war where he risked his life in the Pacific.
It terrifies me to consider what I will leave behind to my grandchildren.
Selfies,
tweets.
I once asked him how he was able to fight in the war,
fly a plane, shoot a gun all under 25,
and he said that a crisis often brings out the best,
most courageous version of ourselves.
And, now that he's gone,
I'm starting to know what he meant.
I love it. I love it! And so will Nana.
That is the voice you should use, Vincent.
-Where is Nana, by the way? -She's working the room.
-You know, we should probably go. -Uh...
Relax, we have time.
-Let me take a couple swings at this, actually. -Huh?
Oh, okay.
'Cause, I didn't, uh, I didn't know you were going to speak.
Yeah.
-We didn't discuss that. -No, I'm going to introduce you.
Intro... Okay, 'cause they... You're not on the agenda.
Yeah, I saw that, it's weird, I'm just going to warm them up for you.
You might want to tell someone.
You know, Pappy loved this one.
So, there's a writer in Hollywood,
he's coming home from work and his house is on fire.
Good morning, for WPR News, I'm Vincent Seder.
Today, we're talking about aging in America,
and for that, I am joined by a very special guest, thank you for being here.
Let's get started.
Let her rip.
They say he served time in the military and likely suffered from P.T.S.D.
Uh, Jimmy, I need you to do me a search.
I need all the active military bases in the south-west in the mid-90's,
that's when our guy was active duty.
What do you got for me?
-I'm not getting anything. -Damn it, Jimmy! What do ya got for me?
Wait a minute.
-I'm in. -[sighs in relief]