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[smashing sound]
[car alarm]
Oh yeah! Move it, motherfucker!
Yo, give me back my money, bitch!
It's my money now, motherfucker! Eat it!
[indistinct shouting] [car honks]
[upbeat rhythmic music]
d
Somebody better call an ambulance!
[car alarm]
[siren]
[upbeat music]
d
d Take me by the hand, I'll show you Wonderland d
d The trees of gold and violet skies d
d With ghouls and pretty faces all the wrong places d
d Sour diesel, cherry pie
d So shake it out now, we got that loud now d
d We're gonna stay high and never come down d
d We're gonna roll, we're gonna grind d
d Now pass it left, don't pass it right d
d The monster hash
d Hit me like a wave, I'm rising from the grave d
d This lifted, gifted paradise d
d And minds are slowly melting, eyes are glazing over d
d Leave your body for the night d
d So shake it out now
d We got that loud now
d We're gonna stay high and never come down d
d We're gonna roll, we're gonna grind d
d Now pass it left, don't pass it right d
d The monster hash
d So shake it out now
d We got that loud now
d We're gonna roll, we're gonna grind d
d Now pass it left, don't pass it right d
d So shake it out now
d We got that loud now
d We're gonna stay high and never come down d
d We're gonna roll, we're gonna grind d
d Now pass it left, don't pass it right d
d The monster hash
Execution set tonight, the community of Bridgeport
can hopefully get some peace.
Serial killer Vincent Modine, who stabbed nine people to
death over the course of three very frightening
weeks will die tonight.
Survived by son Trent Modine, his step-son Joey Booker,
and three ex-wives who have book deals pending,
so we can't mention them by name.
The reign of terror is now over.
I did it, and I'd do it again!
d We got that loud now
d We're gonna stay high and never come down d
d We're gonna roll, we're gonna grind d
d Now pass it left, don't pass it right d
d The monster hash
Ooh, here comes trouble.
Suck my dick, midget!
It's showtime, Modine!
[moaning]
Adios, Modine.
Yeah, Modine!
Should we let him finish?
Let him finish for Christ's sakes.
Get it, Modine!
Ahh!
[Cheering]
Way to go, Modine!
[Laughs]
Wicked load!
Woo!
-Alright. -Out with a bang.
Fucking midget!
Sup?
Oh, I smell like weed!
I wonder why.
Hey, that chick cop behind you with the gun?
I'd hit that.
She seems like your type.
Are you excited, huh?
We're about to watch my father, your step-father,
die at the hands of the state.
So no, not exactly planning a parade.
I'm just making conversation, bro.
It's just 2000 volts of electricity.
I mean it can't be that bad, right?
I should've drank more.
Mm.
Hoho, it's a party!
Didn't expect this.
[Carnival music]
Those seats are taken.
[sighs]
[music]
d
Move over.
[indistinct murmuring]
Seriously?
What? I like popcorn.
-Here. -Shh!
I love you, Modine!
-I love you! -Fry the fat fucker already!
[cheering]
Fifty bucks says he shits himself.
Oh, you got a deal.
Hey Trent!
-Lick me baby, lick me! -Good to see you, son.
Josephine.
I understand, son, this can't be easy for you.
And now you're in that room with all those poor folks.
I killed those people's loved ones.
I never denied it.
You ever wonder why?
Because I fuckin' loved it!
[Booing]
-Burn! -Fuck you, man!
You ever truly, truly held a knife, son?
Feel the power in your hands?
In and out, in and out.
Best sex I ever had.
[Booing]
Choke on your popcorn, assholes!
Just the thought of murdering your deserving
motherfuckers gets my dick hard, you see?
[timpani swell]
[groans of disgust]
Shit, he's got a big-ass dick.
Yeah, no shit, man.
I need you to finish it for me, Trent.
Cleanse the world of these filthy, dirty, fucking animals.
Finish my work!
I know you feel it.
Avenge my death!
Wow. This is engaging.
I mean, that was, that was so viking.
Avenge my death? It's amazing!
Any last words, Modine?
Seriously?
I just thought, I just went on about how the
world's unclean, how about my son Trent's gonna pick
up where I left off, and uh, you know, it's in his blood.
It was pretty heavy and intense.
I had to poop. I'm sorry.
I gotta do it again?
Okay, I can do it again. Fuck it.
No, it's okay, Vince.
-No, hey you fucktards! -Don't.
Okay, I won't.
Fuck it.
You ready to die?
Sure.
You're just taking out one of the cogs in the wheel.
Trent completes me.
No, I don't.
-I don't complete him. -You see.
You're never to lead!
Pussy!
I hope your double-wide mother croaks in her
double-wide trailer.
Your mama's so fat, I told that bitch to haul ass,
she had to make two trips.
[Laughing]
That was a good one.
Hey uh, your mom's so fat!
-No. -No, okay, I won't.
Alright, alright, enough.
[phone ringing]
Well this, this can't be happening.
Oh, it's getting good.
This is good.
I just got off the phone with the governor.
I thought so.
Looks like he's going to be moving his charity
golf outing to next month.
Mhmm, yeah.
He thought you'd like to know that.
[cackling]
Bitch.
[electrical noises]
[Gagging]
[disappointed sighs]
Gnarly, dude.
That was gnarly.
He's dead.
[Cheering]
Woo, alright!
Come on bro, I can't not get in on the high five parade.
You know I love high fives.
This concludes today's festivities...
Well, that was fun.
So, let's get something to eat.
What are you feeling? I'm thinking barbecue?
Yeah, I kind of lost my appetite.
I'm gonna go get some weed.
I'll see you in a little bit.
[Moaning]
[corny jazz music]
d
Oh, would you move?
[moaning]
Oh, is it too much?
Oh yeah, oh yeah...
[moaning]
What the fuck, Sandy? That's it?
I haven't...
finished?
Yep, I got what I wanted.
And that's all you're ever good for, and you know what?
You're not even good for that.
You're useless.
You're a loser, just like that deep-fried daddy of yours.
Oh, and T?
Finish yourself off.
And I'd get used to that.
We're done.
Bitch.
And T, you'd better finish yourself off.
Choke on your popcorn, you assholes!
I need you to finish it for me, Trent.
Finish my work!
Don't you feel it?
Avenge my death!
You're useless.
Just like your deep fried daddy.
I did it and I'd do it again.
Let's get something to eat. What are you feeling?
I'm thinking barbecue.
[intense music]
d
[calm music playing on TV]
d
[heartbeat]
[peaceful music]
d
[Laughs]
Like what you see?
What is this place?
Oh, this is the place of intrigue.
This is the place of your dreams.
This is the place to get away.
Am I still alive?
Were you ever?
[music]
d
Can you see me, Trent?
Can you see me?
Trent, are you there?
Trent?
Trent, wake up buddy?
You there, you there?
Okay, you're alive.
What the hell happened?
Well, looks like you got really dumb and tried to
off yourself, but luckily all you ate was Sandy's
estrogen medication, so the worst that could
happen is you'll grow some tits on your balls.
Why does she have this, anyway?
You don't wanna know.
Joey... I saw heaven.
Was there a bunch of big black dicks?
Ew, no, I said heaven.
Anyway, there was this big jolly man in a white suit,
and the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
Oh, you probably fell asleep to this commercial
that was on pause all night.
Hi, and welcome to Mooseheart, the greatest
town in America!
And I should know, because I'm an American Sweetheart.
You know, some have called me the king of Mooseheart.
A few have even bowed at my feet.
I'm just happy to be a part of this beautiful community.
So come on down to Mooseheart.
[Laughs]
We have cell towers now!
And indoor plumbing.
-Soon! -Soon!
Mooseheart.
That's it!
Mooseheart?
That shithole town?
You're better off trying to commit suicide again.
It's a small town in the middle of nowhere.
No one knows me there.
I can get a fresh start!
Oh!
W-why can't I come?
Let's move to Mooseheart!
-Dude, let's go! -Yeah?
I'll pack my white trash clothing.
Alright.
This is going to be sweet!
I just hope nobody recognizes my name.
We can get new identities when we get out there.
I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Plus, it seems like people have eased up on you a
little bit out here lately anyway.
[honking]
Have a nice day, fuckers!
Ugh, well, so much for that.
Looks like people ain't going easy on you.
Damn it, I really wanted to see the moose.
No, fuck that, fuck him, and fuck my car.
You know what? We're gonna hitchhike.
Sweet, we can stop at those rest area bathrooms on the way.
Oh man, we get to see the moose!
We get to see the moose!
This is gonna be cool.
Can we take a smoke break please?
We just stopped!
That was like twenty minutes ago.
We've got a long way to go, man.
Really? I feel like we're making pretty good time.
How much do you think we got left?
We're like two blocks away from our apartment.
Oh, that's some good weed.
Oh, here comes someone.
Oh!
Whoa. Oh!
This way, please!
Yes, please?
Really? The ol' thumb?
It lets drivers know what direction we're going so
they know if they can help us or not. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah, but we're standing on this side of the road.
I think it's pretty obvious which direction we're going.
I don't think people are going to drive by and
think we're not hitchhiking and assume
that we're speedwalking to fucking Bolivia.
It's just protocol, Joe.
Oh god.
Bro, we've been walking for five fucking miles, dude.
Really? With the thumb?
Do you really think the thumb is going to work?
We went through this, Joey.
No, y-you're wrong!
You want to know how to get picked up?
Watch this.
Oh!
[gagging noises]
[squealing tires]
Dude, he stopped!
He stopped! I told you!
Who stops for that?
[giggling]
-Jump in, boys. -Thanks for stopping.
Alright!
[laughs]
There ya go.
-Howdy. -Hey!
-Zach. -Joey.
[laughing]
[giggling]
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the roof?
-I dunno. -Tequila!
[Laughing]
You boys are alright.
You kind souls are always risking your Rutger Hauer
in "The Hitcher" situation.
Movie from the '80s?
Nothin?
Alright, you pulled us over for a reason, Zach.
Let's get this out of the way.
Unless you think I've got Parkinson's.
No, I think you were offering hand-jobs for a ride.
Bingo-dingo.
Uh, no, no thanks Joey.
I'm all good. I figured if you were willing to do that for a
ride, you were probably pretty desperate.
Oh, okay.
I see, Mr. Good Samaritan.
What, my, my smooth hands aren't good enough for
your fat, juicy, trucker cock?
Actually, my wife was Ms. Golden Coconuts 2012.
That's what Jessica Simpson's up to now, huh.
Look, he picked us up under false pretenses.
Why do you want to give him a handy so badly?
It seems Joey's repressing his sexuality and acting out.
Oh, is that what it is, Dr. Phil?
Excuse me a minute, are you even suggesting for
one minute that you think that I'm gay?
Dude, that is so gay.
I'm gonna suck that shit so good just to prove that I'm not gay.
That's how comfortable I am with my sexuality.
Come on, whip that shit out.
-Hey! -Whoa, whoa!
Hey, stop!
Get out!
[squealing tires]
Whoa!
That's it! You boys are outta here!
Zach, please, we really need this ride.
No, you boys are out of control.
I know, and I'm sorry.
You know what?
I might have a way to calm him down.
Calm all of us down!
Joey, share.
Share?
I only got an ounce!
Do you wanna fucking walk?
[laid back music]
d
[cackling]
That's my girl.
I love to motorboat.
[laughing]
[coughing]
That's some good shit, right?
Shit, this thing's fun to drive.
It's like a video game, only if you crash, you die.
Nah.
I don't even smoke.
Oh, you're gonna get high today man.
You don't smoke?
[Cars honking]
Joey, Joey, wake up!
-Jesus christ! -Holy shit!
Okay, I'm okay, give me the joint.
What? Drive!
Jackass!
[laughing]
Alright, thanks dude!
Alright, oh shit I got the munchies.
Zach, you're the man.
Thanks, buddy.
Ugh, can we eat bro?
Oh, this is awesome.
We're here!
You ready to get back to work?
We got some folks in here we should probably search.
Um...
We don't need those.
Look Sheila, uh, you're not a prison guard anymore, okay?
And this is a tourist town.
"Come to Mooseheart: Home of the Candyland Killings."
It's the "Candy Corn Killing."
And if you're going to uphold the law here,
you're probably gonna need to know that.
That the killer was never caught, the city embraced
the whole spooky charm of it and turned it into a
little tourist trap, except people don't come
here that much no more because it happened so
fucking long ago.
But now Mooseheart is uh, uh, you know, a creepy little town.
Out in the middle of nowhere.
Can you stop that?
I'm trying to give you some wisdom here.
I'm trying to help you.
People in this town are strange, crazy.
Ludicrous. I mean, you don't trust no one.
-you don't trust no one. -Well they're committing crimes.
You just have to see it.
Sometimes, it hides in the darkness.
And you have to ask yourself, are you brave enough?
Are you brave enough to go into the darkness?
You're talking about assholes!
I mean, uh...
Oh! Look who we got here.
Uh oh. Uh oh.
Couple of shady white boys.
They must be up to no good.
Mhmm.
[record scratch]
Okay.
We might get raped in here.
Deliverance style.
Really?
That'd be so hot.
You boys lost?
No, we're in Mooseheart right?
Nobody comes to Mooseheart on purpose,
so I figured you must be lost.
What can I get you boys?
Whiskey, straight, and keep 'em coming.
The fuck are we?
Relax.
[sighs]
You think we packed enough?
Oh yeah, we're fine. We got our clothes.
What else do we need?
All I packed was weed and weed accessories dude.
Of course you did.
How we looking?
Not great.
There are no apartments to rent.
This one guy is looking for a couple of roommates.
Mm.
Ahh, at least the whiskey's good.
People here seem really nice.
Yeah, okay, nice.
I bet her other job's a stripper where she blows
the security guard because her dad never hugged her
-enough because she's a whore. -Okay, alright.
I'm going to go play a video game.
-You do that. -I'll be right back.
Good luck to you.
Can I get you anything else, handsome?
Oh, no, this is great.
Actually, uh, here you go.
-Just uh, keep the change. -Thank you.
[video game sounds]
What the...
Ugh, what the fuck!
Is this how you treat everyone who comes through town?
Well, as a matter of fact, yes.
You know, I guess that's why we don't get too many
Well, we're just minding our own business, okay?
Mhmm, and what kind of business is that?
Why your friend moving all funny?
What you hiding up in there?
Uh, up where, ossifer?
Behind your back there, boy.
Oh, uh, just some school books.
-You're a school boy. -Yeah.
You don't look like a school boy.
Let me, uh...
Now, there's not going to be anything in here
that's going to hurt me, is there?
It depends on how much you smoke, I guess.
[laughs]
What we got going on here?
Mmm.
Would you look at this?
[mumbling]
He's a chef. That's, um...
You bringing drugs into my town?
My precious Mooseheart?
I bet you he's hiding more in his ass.
-You think so? -Let me check.
No, wait, no, no, wait...
No, it's okay, she can check.
-No. -Oh, okay.
No, 'cause you know why?
I want to know what your business is in Mooseheart.
Uh, we're uh, we were just thinking about moving here.
-We want to move here. -Nice people.
Well I'll be damned!
Well, welcome to Mooseheart!
[laughs]
Welcome, baby!
Well, that's all you had to say.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm going to have to confiscate this
to teach you boys a lesson.
Oh, yes.
Of course.
And, you know...
Wish you on your merry way.
-Yes, we uh, we will. -Go on, get on out of here.
Yeah, get your bag and get on, get your punk ass
on out of here.
Okay, uh, thank you.
Yeah.
Get your punk ass out of here.
Mhmm.
Crazy white boys.
No drugs in Mooseheart?
That was convincing, wasn't it?
-Yeah. -I almost believed it myself.
[laughing]
That was a good one.
Let's go smoke this shit, come on.
Oh wow, this looks like a nice place to get raped.
I'm sure there's dead bodies in the back.
Have an open mind, man, this is the only spot that's available.
Besides, the guy might be cool.
I should've just stayed home.
What is your problem?
Well, the cops took my weed, man!
Focus, Joey.
Focus.
You Boy Scouts get older every year.
Not interested.
Uh, sir, we're not Boy Scouts.
We're here about the place.
What place?
Uh, this place.
The ad you had for roommates?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Come on in.
Heh.
You Jews?
Uh, you say that like that's a bad thing.
So, no.
We're not of Jewish persuasion.
Good, come on in.
You boys Jews?
Great, an anti-Semite.
Well this part isn't so bad.
So what's your name, friend?
Hey, I'm Lloyd.
[laughs]
You smell like a Lloyd.
I said can you show us the rooms please?
Yeah, right in here.
Ta-da!
Ooh, dibs, dibs, dibs!
[laughing]
You got kids Lloyd?
Eh...
Are those handcuffs?
You know, let me show you your room, alright?
It's right around here, you're gonna love this, huh?
[bear squeaks]
[Lloyd mumbling indistinctly]
Ah, there you go.
Hm.
So where do you sleep, Lloyd?
Eh, I'm a couch sleeper.
Downstairs.
Well...
I think you got yourself a couple of roommates.
-Cool? -Alright?
Sure, you boys ain't queer Jews, so welcome aboard!
Hmm... you ain't gay, are you?
Me? Oh, God no.
[laughs]
I love pussy.
Whip out your wiener, stick it in there, swirl it around.
Ahh!
Good times, huh?
[Laughs]
You boys ain't tweakers are you?
Oh, no, God no.
This is all natural man.
We don't do that shit at all.
Eatin' pussy, eatin' pussy, not doing drugs.
Good, good!
[Laughing]
else I'm going to go back down and watch my stories, huh?
Okay.
Oh, and don't mind the door knob being gone.
It's a precautionary measure.
Can't imagine any time where I'd ever need to
feel safe and secure.
He smells bad.
[coughing]
Hey, I thought you were against drug use Lloyd.
I am.
Can't stand druggies.
This is God's herb.
Weed ain't drugs.
Mm, I think we're going to get along just fine.
Hey, where can I get some of this shit around here?
Go see Patch.
Patch is the hookup.
Yeah.
He'll be open tomorrow morning.
If you go to his garage, go around the back.
Tell him I sent you.
Patch.
Think I can get a little 'til then?
I'm, uh, kind of a bogart.
I see.
[coughing]
See, I thought I would hate it here.
I like Mooseheart!
Ah, where else can you get a pumpkin and a lube job?
One stop shopping.
Ah, awesome.
Dude, let's go find this weirdo.
Hey, actually man, I'm going to pick out a pumpkin,
so why don't you go do your weed thing,
Yeah, why don't you go pick out a pumpkin because that's
extremely gay of you, but I still love you.
Hey, seriously, we got stuff to do, so...
Got you.
[idle humming]
Ooh!
Make this work...
[idle humming]
-Oh my God, I'm sorry. -I'm so...
Are you okay, or...
Yeah, I'm sure you get this a lot, but aren't you
that girl from the infomercial?
Uh, I am, yeah, and I get that never.
I actually don't think they had enough money
to air it on normal channels, so.
Oh, well you were great.
-Really... convincing. -Thank you.
I did it as a favor for my boyfriend, so.
Well if--
[coughing]
Are you okay?
What do you need?
Looking for Patch?
[laughs]
I'm Patch.
Love the name, man.
You own a pumpkin patch, sort of, and your n--
Oh, shit. I see.
What do you need?
I got carved pumpkins, tune up, trunk liner.
Mm, word around town is you're the guy to see
about a green pumpkin?
Doo-doot-doot.
Huh?
We got orange pumpkins and some yellows.
Weed! Do you have any weed?
I don't usually sell, personally.
Are you a cop?
No, you look like the sixth member of the
Backstreet Boys.
And everybody knows that an undercover cop don't
look like an undercover cop.
That's the point!
Alright, look, want me to prove it to you
that I'm not a cop, or I'm wearing a wire?
I'll get buck-naked ri--
Hey, hey.
That's not necessary.
You've got a lot of spirit, kid.
You want to work?
Well, I'm flattered, but I don't do the male
prostitution thing anymore.
Been there, done that.
When you suck dick--
Hey!
Do you want to sell?
He who has the weed has the power.
Especially in this town, and I run Mooseheart.
You're not afraid of the cops or anything, huh?
Once in a while it gets hectic.
Alright, okay.
I see what you're saying Mr. Patch.
Uh, fuck it, yeah, I'll sell your drugs for you.
Heh, can I get a sample or something?
I'm jonesin', it's been a while.
-Hang on. -Alright.
Fuck, I'm not gonna sell weed.
I'll tell him I'm selling weed to smoke it.
How can that plan backfire?
Oh shit, he's packing heat.
I really do not think we're going to find
another one like this.
This is the best one.
I agree.
You know, um, why don't you carve it with me?
I wouldn't feel right just taking it.
Oh, honestly I would love nothing more, trust me,
but you mentioned earlier that you had a boyfriend
and that's not really my...
Oh, no no no no no.
I said that I, I did the commercial as a favor to
my boyfriend at the time, but we broke up,
like, a long time ago.
Oh, that's great.
Uh, that's horrible.
Um, here.
-It's my card. -Oh.
Suicide counselor.
That's, uh, interesting.
Yeah, uh, do you want to call me tomorrow?
I will definitely call you tomorrow.
Alright.
Definitely.
[Singing lightly]
Fuck, man, did you spend all our money?
Nah, man! I'm selling it!
You got a job?
I'm a go-getter.
Who's the dame?
That's the girl from the infomercial, Madison.
Oh, the one you were talking about.
Dude, she's as white trash as it gets.
Should have no problem sealing that deal buddy.
-Mm. -Come on.
Hey, look! My first customer.
Hey, you want to buy some weed, kid?
Dude, I'm like fifteen.
He's just kidding, he's off his Ritalin. Don't listen to him.
I smoked it when I was thirteen, bro.
-Don't be a pussy. -Subtle! Subtle!
No, what do you mean? Everyone smokes weed!
Oh, God...
I'll find that kid again.
He looked real familiar.
[eagle screech]
[rock music]
d
[video game music]
What the?
I got the lights, I got the lights!
-Yeah, cold 487. -Well, copy that.
[police siren]
[music]
d
It looks like we just got another asshole tourist.
You, uh, you want to handle this one yourself?
Oh yeah, I got it.
Bet your ass.
Go get him killer.
Do you know how fast you were going?
Even though I'm sure you've never driven a car
like this before, I assure you it does have a speedometer.
Huh?
Yes, I know how fast I was going.
You could've hurt someone.
I could've done a lot of things.
Get out the car, dipshit.
Mhmm.
Hands on the hood.
Really?
You hiding anything?
When you have as much money as I do and you look the way I do,
you don't need to hide anything sweetheart.
Ohoho!
[Voice on Video]
No!
As if you don't think I will search everywhere.
Go anywhere you like.
Thank you.
Now spread 'em.
Oh, geez.
Uh huh.
What you hiding in there?
Mhm.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh my god.
Oh, you got it all tight. I'm gonna get in there.
Uh, you know who this is, right?
Yeah, some snobby scumbag who's got drug paraphernalia
He ain't got nothing in his ass, Thompson!
[plucking sound]
Ah!
Oh, damn.
Well, looks like you caught me.
-Mhmm. -Take me in, officers.
Oh, my pleasure.
Knock it off, Thompson.
Do you recognize this name?
Connor Price. So what?
That's the mayor's son.
Well, you know mine, and I don't have the pleasure
I'm sure my father would love to know who's harassing me.
Let me guess: The Jeffersons!
-That is right. -That's us!
We got Johnson and Thompson. Now that I got that, I own you.
How about you get that door for me, alright?
Thank you so much.
Now get your hands off the car. Thank you.
It's a pretty color!
Let me help you with your seatbelt, Connor.
Don't touch the car. Yeah.
You guys have a great afternoon.
Okay.
Good education...
solid job history...
and this Mr. Lloyd Paxton can vouch for you?
That's what I pay him for.
[laughing]
Well played.
That's what I pay him for, that's good.
Well...
Well I see know reason why you can't join the team today.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Well that's great. Thank you.
I won't be hiring you, though.
Now see, I'm running for mayor of Mooseheart, kid.
And this is not the time for me to bring outsiders in.
I mean as far as I know you could be one of
Mayor Price's spies.
-No, no, I'm no spy. -Yeah?
Please, Mr. Pilm--
Your highness, your honor...
-Um, Judge Pilmington. -Good.
This is the best place hiring in town right now.
And the economy around here really isn't that great.
I know, I know.
That's why I'm running for office, kid.
Come on! Pay attention, Troy!
Pay attention!
Nobody's going to hire you if you don't pay attention.
Alright, go see Rosa in unemployment. Now. Go.
Thank you for your time.
Mm.
Here, pass some of these out to your friends.
-Oh, um... -Here.
Give some to Rosa, too, alright?
Sure.
Go. Go, go.
Yeah.
He said all that?
That's just crazy.
He has no real chance to be a mayor.
Vote for me and get free bail?
You've gotta be kidding me.
He's been a terrible judge.
Pissed off a lot of people around here, handing out
bogus sentences for no reason.
He's a shady and corrupt man.
Shady and corrupt.
That would never work for a politician.
[laughing]
So, where is everybody?
I would think this place would be packed.
Oh, it would be if we could help them.
I mean even you, sweetie.
I don't think there's much here for a sociology major.
At least not for the money you're looking for.
All I have left are HR Jobs.
Entry level.
Some farm work.
School admin, grief and suicide counselor.
Suicide counselor?
Yeah, but it's part time, and the pay is--
And the suicide rates around here...
Oh, sky high.
It just adds to our Mooseheart charm.
Haunted city and all.
High suicide rates.
Very charming.
[laughs]
[door opens]
Here, here we go.
Okay.
Wow. Listen, I want you to listen to something.
What is that?
What is that noise?
Well, there is no noise.
My goodness, are we at a library?
Are we in a museum? I don't know.
No, we are at the Mooseheart Unemployment Office.
But there is nobody here because I am the mayor
that leads with 100% efficiency.
Oh, damnit.
Well...
mayor will make a mistake and so we have one person.
That's not bad, right?
Just one?
That's right. No unemployed here in Mooseheart.
Come over here, son.
Come here, please.
[thuds]
Okay, son. So you just had your meeting and I'm wondering,
are you leaving here with a job?
Uh, actually I got a number to call for an
interview at the suicide counseling center so--
I happen to know the man who runs the counseling center.
I will call on your behalf and I can guarantee
you got the job.
Thank you so much, Mr. Mayor.
Thank you. So there you have it.
I am the active mayor that Mooseheart needs.
So vote Price because as we all know, the price is right.
You turn that fucking camera off my face again
and I will rip you a new asshole.
You're on that fucking short bus, aren't you?
You're an idiot and you're no better either.
Don't be looking at him like he's stupid.
Well, not like I was forced into doing the
mayor a favor because he has incriminating photos
that may or may not be me at a rest stop.
It could've been anyone's penis.
Madison will be done in ten minutes and then we do
individual sessions.
Now do you have suicide experience?
Oh yeah, I sure do.
Great, let's check on Madison.
Okay.
[music]
d
It wasn't my penis.
What about me?
I think I started stripping after my dad left.
So...
Mada...
How are things?
It's Adam.
Oh, right.
Not good.
My fianc� dumped me.
She left me for my stepbrother who, from what I understand,
is more well-endowed.
Oh!
Brutal.
Maybe you should kill yourself.
That's what I'm thinking.
There's nothing left for me on this earth.
I know that feeling.
Although, just when you think there's no one out
there for you, that's when you find them.
Really?
Oh yeah, there's someone out there for everyone.
Probably not you, but you never know.
But most likely not.
Hope it works out. Okay!
Sir, sir, I'm happy to help.
-You're gonna be just fine. -Thank you.
Okay, maybe not. Go ahead.
How did you do it?
I mean, nobody has ever gotten through to Adam before.
I, um, just told him the truth.
-The truth? -Mhm.
And you proved that it helps.
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He'll be fine.
I think he's on the straight narrow.
No one really says that anymore, do they?
Not really.
But you were great.
I mean, Adam, he really deserved a break.
So um, are we still on for tomorrow night?
[loud thud]
And then the next night, you can meet my friends.
I'm sorry, can meet who, now?
Okay, so every year...
[crying]
Adam!
Haven't you learned anything?
You're making me look bad.
I wasn't high enough.
You are responsible for these damages coming out
of your pocket.
Now clean it up!
Lupe.
Cancel my donation to the orphanage fund.
Oh!
Mayor Price is outspending me ten to one.
I need to put all the money into my campaign fund.
Okay.
Lupe.
I want these Uncle Sam posters put up all over town.
Every wall, every fence, every telephone pole.
I want the town papered.
Oh, and get the high school students to do it.
We won't have to pay them.
It's a good civics lesson.
Si, sir.
Yeah.
[upbeat music]
d
Yeah, you son of a gun.
[laughs]
Move it over here to your left a little bit.
More.
Now wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Bring it back, bring it back, bring it back.
Just have a good ghost story for her or something, bro.
Yeah, but it's her friends, man.
And public speaking isn't really my thing.
Hey, now bring it over here.
-That's where I want it. -You know, fuck this!
You know what? I'm gonna leave it right here.
Is that feng shui enough for you?
Look, just be yourself, alright?
Is that feng shui enough for you?
Alright, I'm gonna go grab us safe pumpkin carving
kits and try and think of a story to tell her friends.
Alright, do it up, dog.
Okay, dog.
By the way, how's business going?
Dude, I'm fucking killing it.
I'm thinking about cutting out the middle man and
taking over this whole bitch.
Alright, bitch.
Break's over.
Move this thing back over here in between the chairs.
I'm gonna let you take care of whatever this is.
I got it.
See you, Lloyd.
Where do you want this?
Between the chairs.
Happy?
Perfect.
[laughing]
[speaking Spanish]
[brakes screeching] [bells chime]
[knocking]
What?
Yo, yo, yo, check it, alright?
He got a whole new crew, selling all over town.
Says he's gonna be the new king of the patch, not you.
Yeah, yeah.
He punking your ass.
Punking, get it?
Pumpkin?
Go home.
Get some sleep.
We'll kill them all tomorrow.
All?
All of them.
Just like before.
He who has the weed has the power.
For sure, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.
Yeah, okay, whatever you say, Old Ray.
[nervous laughs]
-Thin ridge. -Oh, thin ridge.
Alright, thank you, nurse.
Okay, now I don't wanna question a doctor, but
are you going to remove the guts?
Oh, yeah.
Um, nope.
All the seeds and all that squishy shit in there...
-What? -Always creeps me out so, mhm.
But this is the best part.
Great, then it's all you.
-Oh, come on. Come on. -Knock yourself out.
Look at this. See, look.
-Ew. -It feels nice.
Come on, just put your hand in.
-Mhm. -Put your hand in.
Just do it.
Come on.
It's not that bad, see?
Come on. Feel that?
You're right.
It is kinda nice.
Wow.
Looks like I got here just in time.
Damnit, Connor!
Man, you can't just walk in here like you own the joint.
Actually I can because I do own the joint, man.
Maddie, you're lucky you have such a mature boyfriend.
I forgive you.
[laughs]
You mean the boyfriend who up and leaves me,
goes to a big city.
No, our little arrangement was over when you drove
off without even a goodbye text.
Boyfriend?
-No, it's-- -Look.
I came home to help dad with this election and
then start a political career of my own and I'm
gonna do that with you by my side.
As we agreed.
Every good congressman has a hometown sweetheart story.
I won't be any different.
She's not a prize or a prop.
Connor...
That's Mr. Connor Price.
And I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
Mr. Trent Cash.
Alright, Mr. Trent Cash, you can get the hell out of my house.
You told me you wouldn't pull this kinda crap.
You said you'd help me.
Being engaged to a future congressman will help both
of us, remember?
I won't ask again.
I'm pretty tight with the local police.
We won't want an incident, Trent.
I'll call you tomorrow, Trent.
What, seriously?
It's his home. He'll call the friggin' police.
So just... I'll be fine.
Bye, Trent.
[music]
d
Hola.
Lupe. Yeah.
You weren't at your desk so I called your cell.
I don't care if you're on your way home to your casa.
Listen to me. Listen... Listen to me.
This new flyer and poster is no good, Lupe.
It's no good.
The price is too high.
What does that even mean?
What do you mean, I don't comprende?
I comprende fine.
Price too high!
No more, no more.
You're done, no more.
Fucking immigrants.
[exhales]
[door creaks open]
[music]
d
[laughs]
Well you're a little big to be trick or treating,
don't you think?
[laughs]
[baby laughing]
Hey, that's not funny!
That's not funny!
What are you doing?
Hey!
[suspenseful music]
Why are you doing this?
Did Price put you up to this?
Huh?
[suspenseful music]
d
[heavy breathing]
[nervous yelling]
[suspenseful music]
d
[baby laughing]
[baby laughs]
[suspenseful music]
d
[dramatic music]
d
[groaning]
Lupe!
[laughing]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
He's gone.
Can you come back like right now?
[rock music]
d
Oops.
Let me get that.
[laughs]
You get that.
Oh, Trent.
Whoa, Trent!
Shit!
Sorry! I, uh...
What the fuck are you doing in here?
Well, the lightbulb in the living room went out.
I needed a replacement.
-Okay. -Lightbulbs aren't included.
Okay.
You sick bastard.
[laughs]
Gotta get that doorknob fixed.
You've been pinching out of my sac, Lloyd?
Oh, why is it so bright?
Hey, what's with all this candy?
I ain't gonna be that guy caught without candy on Halloween.
That's for damn sure.
You hungover?
You have no idea.
Would you guys hold it down?
Come on.
What the hell are you watching?
Scouting report.
We really need to find a new place.
ASAP.
Woo! Woo!
Money!
Who the hell is this?
Oh, that's Quincy.
My number 2.
The operation's getting so big, I needed a little bit of muscle.
[knocking]
Yo, it's 5-0, 5-0!
5-0, that is so adorbs.
I love being a drug dealer.
Take all that shit outside, bro.
Shit.
What the fuck do they want?
[grunting]
Please, come in.
What can we do you for, officer?
Well, uh...
There was a murder last night.
Uh, Judge Pilmington.
He is running...
he was running for mayor.
Wow, that's terrible.
What happened?
Well he was stabbed three times and then the killer
came back and stabbed him 77 more times.
[laughing]
Fan-fucking-tastic.
The killings are back.
Just like in the eighties.
The haunted here made this town what it is.
You seem to be pretty proud of that, Lloyd.
You know, they never did catch the killer.
Mm-hmm.
Maybe you got something you wanna tell me, boy?
Me?
Hell no, no.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
You two shit birds move to town, all of a sudden
there's a murder.
That's gotta be a coincidence though, right?
Mm-hmm.
Security footage outside the courthouse got a
glimpse of a masked man.
Got a baby mask?
I got a lot of masks.
Not you, dickhead.
I don't...
baby masks?
I bet you don't.
Listen, you two, don't leave town.
Okay?
Come on.
Clean up this piece of shit you call a house.
Hey, was that my son on TV?
If they had anything on you, they'd friggin' taken you in.
As long as the killer's on the loose, it's only a
matter of time until they figure out who I am.
And then they're never gonna believe that I'm not the killer.
So what's there to do?
Catch the killer.
All this to protect your secret identity?
And because there's a fucking killer on the loose.
And these idiot cops aren't gonna catch him.
Unless he's hiding in someone's ass.
I wonder if that's physically possible.
So you're telling me you're gonna catch a murderer? Come on.
Sure, why not?
I find him, I stop him, then I fort the killer and
I protect my identity.
It's a win-win.
It sounds like a lot of work-work.
And these pigs coming around here undressing me
with their eyes.
I could tell he wants to be inside me.
No condo.
Makes me sick.
Alright, this money's burning a hole in my pocket.
I'm gonna go buy me a fat drug lord chain so I look
like a baller on these streets, player.
Quincy, wait up.
Need help trying that on, sweetie?
[indistinct chatter]
Your ass will look so hot in that.
Oh, your hips will look great in any--
So, how's it going?
I can't decide, this one or this one?
-I kinda like... -The one with less.
-Really? -You know what?
What's the best way to pick out a new costume?
Is to do a costume fitting montage where you give me
-a thumbs up or thumbs down? -Yes.
[upbeat music]
d
You have got to be kidding me?
Those, those were what guys like?
-Yeah. -Oh!
Yes. Yes.
Well, it's your turn.
Okay.
[clears throat]
Let's get that. You want some of this?
Hold up... A dollar?
Let's get you that little burn right there, baby.
Smell it. Smells good, right?
Smells good. Alright, alright.
Yo, man, tell your friends.
Hey, hey, hey! How much did you get for that?
One dollar, dollar, dollar.
Oh my god, one dollar?
Dude, that cost me ten dollars!
-What the fuck? -Oh.
it's time we take this weed game to the next level.
Yeah, yeah, the next level.
So look, I ordered us shirts and hats with logos
and I was thinking maybe we got matching shoes.
That'd be kinda cute if we all had the same color shoes.
Yeah, yeah, matching shoes...
What the fuck, you repeating everything I say?
And look, the main thing is...
we need to step up our internet game. Social media.
You look like you know your way around a computer.
Twitter, Facebook, Instagram.
And we can tell people how much shit costs so they
Oh, that's a great idea, great idea.
How about we put our address there so they know
where to find us?
-Oh! -Yeah!
What are you guys celebrating about?
You dumb fucking idiots.
You really wanna advertise where we are, our address?
It's like telling the feds, come arrest us,
come take us to jail.
I don't wanna go back to jail, alright?
Oh my god, oh my god.
I cannot believe fucking Poppy set me up with a
bunch of fake pussy ass gangsters.
Poppy, Poppy, was fucking wrong.
We know our shit.
I got this one.
So you really don't like the shoe idea?
-How'd it go? -Yeah, it was good.
What'd I miss, what'd I miss? The shoes, right?
-I like the shoes. -Shut the fuck up.
You guys, man.
You need to...
Nah, nah, nah, let me show you how it's done.
-Hey, uh, need a date? -Excuse me?
Uh, you need some weed?
What are you new around here?
I don't recognize you.
Oh yeah, I just moved here this week with my
half-brother, Trent.
Trent Cash?
Oh yeah, you know?
Same vagina, different dick.
How do you know Trent?
I know everything there is to know about Mr. Trent Cash.
Everything?
You even know about his dad?
His dad?
Yeah, that's some crazy shit.
Imagine having the Bridgeport Butcher to be your father.
Poor guy.
What a bum deal he got.
Yeah, Bridgeport Butcher.
So I guess if you're friends with Trent, I'll
be seeing you around, huh?
I'm sure there's nothing else I can do you for.
No, I think I'm good.
You've been really helpful as it is.
Yo, it's too obvious, man.
Come on, hurry it up.
Get the fuck out of here.
I'll see you around, man.
That guy was cool, man.
Hey, I got 50 bucks, dude!
Hey, hey, we're all going to Denny's, motherfucker.
Don't worry about it, you'll be fine.
Uh... how long does it have to be?
I don't know.
Whatever.
It's not a big deal.
Really?
Well actually, we do take it kind of seriously
so if your story sucks they may possible kill you. Possibly.
-Oh, that's it? -Yeah.
-Mhm. -Oh.
Please stop worrying, Mr. Cash.
[laughs]
If I'm going to get laid tonight, we need to start
this stuff soon, okay, okay?
Since I ended it last year, I'm gonna start off
this year's gathering with a little story I like to
call, Don't Turn on the Lights.
Ooh!
Okay. So basically...
[suspenseful music]
d
That was my first day at Boy Scouts.
That was frightening.
-Disgusting. -Thanks, man.
That was a really good story.
Fuck off, Britney.
Alright, well that was certainly a story.
Yeah!
Okay, uh...
Connor.
Hm, no. Okay, then.
Trent, story time.
Uh, you know what? I'll go.
I'll go next.
I have a good one.
[cheering]
Okay... So there were these seven assholes sitting
at a campfire one night.
And among them was...
Okay, you're next.
Just to be safe, I'll go over it one last time.
I have time for that, right?
She just started her story so I have...
That was it. It was awesome.
[clapping]
-Alright! -Thank you.
I brought it this year. Not gonna lie.
Hell yeah, you brought it, girl.
What's up? Alright.
Okay, okay, okay. I guess uh...
I guess it looks like Trent will be closing us out.
You got it, Trent. You got this one, buddy.
Hey, make it quick.
-And good. -Sure, okay.
Alright.
For the approval of the midnight association,
I submit the keyhole.
Ooh!
Now the weary business traveler, he walks into this desolate...
[suspenseful music]
d
And that's it.
And they never found his eye.
Okay.
I am never gonna sleep again.
Shit!
That was crazy, right?
That was so good.
Seriously, fuck off, Britney.
That was terrifying.
Dude, what the fuck happened to his eye?
Alright, alright, now that we're done with that dog
and pony show, I have a story of my own.
Oh god.
Dude, let's just call it a night.
I said I have a story.
I mean, no offense, you're this like politician guy now.
It's probably not even gonna be scary.
Oh, it's frightening indeed.
Scarier than your pussy little fairytales you've
been telling tonight all put together because my
story's based in truth and truth can be very, very chilling.
Ripped from the headlines, I like it.
Ripped from the headlines, indeed.
It all starts with a very bad man.
A man that's bad and he just can't help it.
Something that's inside him.
Something that he was born with.
Have you ever heard of the Bridgeport Butcher?
Yeah, yeah.
What, he comes back from the dead, right?
Well not exactly.
Let's just say the Bridgeport Butcher lives
through his children.
His son in particular.
His son was born into pure evil.
And he's not just lost somewhere in the world.
He's right here in Mooseheart.
-What? -No way.
It's the killings.
And he is sitting here among us right at this campfire.
-No. -See.
Sitting right next to my Madison.
I knew there was something strange about him.
Take it away, Trent.
Is this true?
No.
Sort of.
It's really complicated.
What do you mean it's complicated?
Yes or no.
Are you the son of the Bridgeport Butcher, Trent?
Yeah, but it's not...
[indistinct chatter]
I am out of here.
Trent Modine, son of Vincent Modine, the
Bridgeport Butcher, in town just in time for
Pilmington's death.
Coincidence?
[laughing]
Um, Brenda, maybe you could help me clean up.
I did.
You whiney little slut.
Okay, thanks, sis.
Madison, wait.
This is where I one up you and get the girl.
So you go and do whatever it is that you do alone, okay?
Oh, and your story scared the shit out of me.
Thanks.
Hey, don't worry about him.
He's kind of a jerk.
Fuck off, Britney.
-Sorry. -I understand.
Okay.
I'm gonna...
Take care.
Sorry about the mess.
[suspenseful music]
d
Wait. Wait, please.
I swear I wasn't gonna inhale.
I swear.
I'm a virgin.
[baby laughing]
[screaming]
[eerie music]
d
[inaudible mumbling]
Anybody here?
Is someone breaking into my house?
Like a dumb son of a bitch.
[laughing]
Bitch!
[grunts]
You?
[suspenseful music]
d
[baby laughing]
What are you doing here, Trent?
I just wanted to talk.
Why are you covered in eggs?
Oh, uh...
Fucking moron!
Bridgeport bitch.
Eventually I'll learn how to make an omelet.
Anyway, you ran out pretty quick the other night.
Could you blame me?
No, I don't blame you.
I would run, too.
I did run.
To Mooseheart.
But look, I am who I am.
My father was who he was.
It's not fair to judge me on that.
That's what you think I'm doing?
That's what everyone's doing.
That's why I came to Mooseheart.
I thought I could get a fresh start.
I figured a town with such a morbid history might
actually accept me and I was wrong.
Yeah, you don't get it.
You don't get it at all.
This has nothing to do with your father's past.
This has everything to do with you lying.
And you don't lie.
Not to me.
Madison.
You know what?
I'm done.
I feel like a cop or a robber or some shit.
-Gotta focus, man. -Okay, okay.
Dude, holy shit, Trey.
This is real fucking murder scene.
I told you, man. I wouldn't make some shit like that up.
I saw them wrapping up the scene when I was on my way
back from Madison's house.
I know these cops have missed something.
We gotta get in there. We gotta find these clues.
And find out who this killer is and clear my name.
Oh, this is spooky!
[gasps]
Hey, look at me, dude.
I'm Patch.
He who has the weed has the power.
We're supposed to be looking for clues.
Relax, Sherlock Homo.
The cops already came through here.
Doubt you're gonna find anything that they missed.
Then why are you here?
Uh, to get his weed shit and from what I remember,
dead people don't smoke weed that much.
Oh, dude!
The cops left all this shit.
Bro, the fuck!
New scale.
Holy shit.
What the fuck.
The killer was wearing shoes.
-Good. -Dude!
What the fuck am I doing here?
Shit.
Joey.
Candy corn.
I'm good, dude. I haven't smoked yet.
No, no, no. Look.
There's candy corn all over the floor.
Oh, shit.
You think the candy corn killer's behind
all these killings?
Either that or it was left here to distract us.
Hm.
Who would wanna kill Patch?
I mean, there's gotta be a rhyme, a reason, a pattern, uh.
What?
Okay, so the killings started right after we
moved to Mooseheart.
I didn't do it.
Who else came to Mooseheart around the same time?
I don't know.
Connor Price.
-Who the fuck-- -God, I knew it!
Who is that?
A fucking psycho.
Who the fuck's Connor Price?
Oh, it makes sense.
Still can't figure out though how he knew about me and my dad.
I mean, nobody knew about that except us.
And that guy you told.
Joey, what guy?
Oh, it was a good looking dude I sold weed to.
He said you told him everything.
He had sparkly eyes.
Kind of has a six pack and he's got like a nice ass.
He drives fancy sports car.
He's like a model looking dude.
You told Connor Price about me?
-About my dad? -He said he knew everything!
Are you outside of your fucking mind?
Joey, what was the main reason that we moved to Mooseheart?
So I can put that nonsense behind me.
How could you? What, you got a joke?
Tell me a fucking joke. You got another fucking joke?
Calm down, bro. Relax.
It doesn't even matt--
Fuck!
What did you do?
You ruined everything.
You ruined everything!
You ruined everything because you wanted to move
to this shithole town because you're too much of
a pussy to face the music.
You're not even my real brother.
You better hope you didn't break this nose.
This is a fucking Picasso.
Piece of shit.
Thanks, stop with the applause.
Thank you...
Please, stop.
There'll be time for pictures and for talking.
This press conference will be brief.
My sole intention today is to bring attention to the
string of murders that have hit our quirky little town.
Thankfully, the police, they do have a key suspect.
Now we cannot say the name of this person at this
time though I will tell you right now.
He is the son of the Bridgeport Butcher.
He recently moved to Mooseheart.
They also found candy corn at the scene of the murder.
Yes.
Uh, questions.
I didn't say anything.
What he asked was, will we still have the Halloween
party at city hall?
Well, of course it will.
My goodness, the Mooseheart Halloween Bash,
well it is the stuff of legends, I think we can all say that.
Nobody celebrates Halloween like we do.
[laughs]
Pictures?
Tootie, take a picture.
You know some people, they say that our little town is haunted.
And that is has been since 1984 and the candy corn murders.
Murders, which by the way, have never been solved.
Is it the same person?
Well tune in to find out Mooseheart.
I'm out.
[cat meowing]
Hey, Gary!
[commotion]
Holy shit!
[grunting]
Gary!
Look, I'm gonna call the... coroner.
Shit, man.
I knew it.
Have a happy and safe Halloween.
[evil laugh]
[doorbell rings]
Let's get back to some spooky tunes.
The happy Halloween girls are here.
What the hell are you doing here, Trent?
Whoa.
No, no, you know what?
You need to leave.
I know who the killer is.
Who?
That tiny little toothpick killed all those people. Really?
Connor.
I found it at the scene of Gary's murder.
Oh, and um...
Gary's dead.
Has Connor been here?
What, no!
Connor is... It's Halloween night.
He's at his daddy's Halloween bash handling his work.
Wait, I'm sorry. Gary's dead?
Yeah, yeah, sorry about that.
And uh, Patch, too.
And your friend, Britney.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, who is Patch?
Slimy, druglord that owned that little makeshift
pumpkin patch thing on the side of the garage.
Oh! God, that's so sad.
Yeah, yeah, he was a really nice guy.
Anyway, I'm gonna go find Connor and I'm gonna stop him.
Okay, well then, I'm gonna come with you.
Are you seriously gonna play the clich� hero guy right now?
Especially dressed in your little tight, tight pants?
Okay, fine, you can come.
Let's go.
[rock music]
d
Fuck, that was so crazy, dude.
Holy shit, I've never done anything fucking like that--
Dude, we should've brought fucking Spanky with us.
What made you think we should expand, dude?
Mooseheart's not good enough for you?
Because we didn't need fucking Spanky for this one.
You know he doesn't see our vision and I told you, alright?
Now that Patch is out of the picture, we need to
send a message that we're running this shit.
Remember, he who has the weed has the power.
So we need all the fucking weed, bro!
Dude, but you could've atleast warned me that
we're gonna double cross those two mother fuckers.
-Yes. -You were fucking terrible.
Dude, it's not the same thing.
Why are you being a little bitch, dude?
We got the drugs and the money.
Alright, dude. You are losing your fucking mind, alright?
Fucking, dude... this isn't how we do business.
You know what? I don't like your tone with me lately.
You've been acting like a little--
[police sirens]
Oh shit!
Dude, the fucking cops, dude!
-Yeah! -Dude, hide that shit.
Put the fucking gun away.
-Dude, no way. -Put it away.
I know how this shit goes down, man, and I'm not
going back to prison, bro.
You've been to prison.
Oh, we gotta talk more.
Is it true what they say in the showers with the other men
or is that just in the movies? I just gotta know.
Dude, that shit does not go down.
But I'm not letting that shit happen to me again, bro.
Alright, dude, just trust me. Just put the shit away
and do as I say, alright? I got this covered.
-I got it covered! -How? How?
Just get your cellphone out, trust me.
Get your phone out.
Get it on fucking camera mode.
Oh shit.
Cover this shit. Cover the fucking shit, dude.
[dramatic music]
Okay, sir, I'm gonna need you to--
Hey, hey, hey!
I'm just exercising my rights, officer.
-This is completely legal. -Y'all have a good night.
That's right.
That's what you get for taking my weed.
[dramatic music]
d
-What's today? -Halloween, dude.
Oh shit. Go to the bash, go to the bash!
-The bash, the bash! -Oh shit.
Okay, okay.
Just go straight.
Fuck.
d Take me by the hand, I'll show you wonderland d
d The trees of gold and violet skies d
d With ghouls and pretty faces d
d All the wrong places
d Sour diesel cherry pie
d So shake it up now
d We got that loud now
Well, nothing like a serial killer on the loose
to dampen spirits.
Brenda, where's Connor?
Oh, he's on the step with his dad taking photos,
but I have to warn you, this party sucks.
Cool costume.
Who are you supposed to be?
Britney.
Huh, I like that one.
Here, come on. We gotta go.
[police sirens]
Oh, perfect.
The cops are here.
Get your asses over there.
Arrest him.
Connor Price.
He's the one that killed those people.
Mr. Mayor, sir...
How would you like to handle this?
I want you to arrest them and I want you to tase them.
Oh. Fuck that.
[upbeat music]
d
[taser gun]
Madison!
Madison, are you okay?
[yelling]
Let's go and get 'em in the car.
[laughs]
That's gotta hurt.
Okay, well look, I'm gonna go to my office.
Perhaps you should do the same.
We have a lot of work to do and this party sucks.
Of course, dad.
You better realize...
You see all this?
Okay, and I'm not talking about this shithole Mooseheart.
This United States of America will be yours, Connor, one day.
These are important times.
You got, you got that?
-This is nothing but flab! -I'm stressed.
Do some pushups, you lazy asshole!
Look what I've done to stay together.
[dramatic music]
d
[laughing]
Trick or treat!
How about both, huh?
[laughing]
Here you go.
How's about a chocolate for you two?
How about a sucker?
[screams]
Hey, hey!
Where's Trent?
Hey, nice outfit.
Oh, thank you.
Cops, got him.
They think he's the candy corn killer.
Oh shit!
We need your help, man.
Yeah, probably not a bad idea to get out of here.
I got an idea, come on!
This way.
These people crazy.
Absolutely nuts.
Well, you know, I've seen a lot in my day and I
haven't told you the half.
I bet you haven't.
-You okay? -No.
I don't like it in there.
It hurts bad.
What?
What, what? Nothing.
Huh?
How are we gonna get out of here now?
Don't worry, I got this.
Watch.
[grunting]
Really?
That's what you got?
Any second now.
Seriously, stop it, stop it!
Hey, hey, hey! Knock it off back there.
Officers, you have the wrong person.
Connor Price, he's the murderer.
Do the right thing and arrest that douchebag.
What is this?
Freak show pushing a cart. What the hell?
Oh, I bet he got some wild stuff in there.
[exhales]
Well we got room in the back for one more.
Alright, let's do it.
Alright.
What's the problem here?
[mumbling]
Nothing.
Well you know you gotta get the cart off the side of the road.
It's the law.
-Is it? -Mhm.
We're gonna have to take a look inside your cart to
ensure our safety.
As well as yours, of course.
That is such bullshit, man, but it still works.
Are you some kind of freak?
Ugh, white people.
Yeah, stocking up on toys.
I'm playing Santa at the mall this year.
Well sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to spread your legs.
Oh...
If you insist.
Mhm, aren't you spreading ready, huh?
Okay.
[groaning]
-His ass like that. -A little to the left.
Oh! Ah!
Don't hurt him, Sheila.
Don't hurt him.
[suspenseful music]
d
Shh! Shh!
-Who the hell is that? -I don't know.
Joey, what the fuck are you doing?
No, I'm rescuing my brother and best friend
and his smoking hot girlfriend.
Meow! Oh, nice work, Trent.
I know. Take the compliment. Come on, get out of here.
Go, go, go. Just go this way. Go this way.
-Trey. -Go, go, go, go!
Come on, buddy.
How are we going to get these cuffs off?
Don't worry. Quincy knows how to shoot them off. Come on.
Hey, man, I'm really sorry about before.
Oh, don't worry about it. I still love you, baby.
We gotta get back over there so I can confront
Connor with this evidence.
Where the hell are we going?
Mayor's office.
I think Connor's still with him.
Welcome.
There's not one brain cell among these idiots.
Not show up to my party?
Oh!
You will pay for that.
Oh, but who's gonna be good to daddy now?
[knocking]
That's nice, thank you.
Wait a minute, why aren't you in jail?
-Where is he? -Who?
He has gorgeous eyes, great physique, most
likely well-endowed.
Connor, where is he?
He's sick and he needs to be stopped.
He is in his own office working hard.
Let's go.
You stay here. It could get really dangerous.
I gotta stop taking so many bong hits.
[organ music]
d
There he is!
Connor, freeze.
I see the local police are not doing their job.
You're done killing people, man.
What are you babbling about?
Why'd you kill all those people, hot stuff, huh?
Wait, you think I killed all those people?
Thank you.
Okay, Hardy boys, uh...
Found it at Gary's place after you pulled a Michael
Myers on him.
Halloween, a real horror movie finally.
You know, you really should stop chewing toothpicks.
It's a bad habit and it's gonna ruin that perfect smile.
Yeah, I know. It's a bad habit I picked up from my dad.
-Oh! -Oh shit.
Fuck!
Yeah, that's right. Uh huh.
Yeah, Mayor Price, Mooseheart.
Yeah, these guys get here...
No, no, no, no.
Five.
I will see you soon. I better.
Okay, swat team is on their way here, Madison.
Oh, come on, you poor thing.
Relax, look.
Look, Madison, relax.
Please, come here, come here.
I take care of problems like this every day so you know what
were gonna do? We're gonna relax a little, okay?
-Okay. -Loosen up, just loosen up.
Let's... wow.
What do you say we breathe, huh?
Let's breathe in.
Yeah, get that chest out there.
Oh, boy. Now breathe out.
Oh yeah, nice.
Breathe in again.
I certainly know why Connor likes you.
Oh boy, you're caring, you're smart.
Ooh, you have smooth skin like Britney.
You know, I think I got something to do.
You're not going anywhere.
I knew it was you.
Ooh! Whoa!
You're gonna take me on?
I know krav maga, bitch.
Oh, god, this is funny.
Oh, you're so scary.
Oh, please don't hurt me.
Don't hurt the mayor, please.
What do you got?
[laughs]
Well bring it, that was nothing. I laughed at that.
-Oh, you laughed? -I laughed at that.
[laughs]
How you like that shit, Kentucky?
You only get one more.
Yeah!
Trick or treat!
Ow!
What, what are you doing?
What the fuck is that?
Are you decorating me?
Oh, you want this?
-Come on. -You're Colonel Sanders.
Bring it in, bring it in.
[thud]
I bet they didn't teach you that in krav maga.
That was certainly unpleasant.
Why are you people so much trouble?
Can't you just do what you're supposed to do?
Because you, young lady, you were supposed to be
Connor's trophy wife.
Mhm.
He needs that.
But you can't do that so that means that I have
no use for you.
And you see, when people get in the way, people die.
[grunting]
[dramatic music]
d
-Wake up! -Dad!
[groans]
Are you kidding me?
I was just gonna...
Oh!
Oh, that hurts.
-Oh, that, that hurts! -I'm so sorry.
Madison. Madison.
[groaning]
It's the kidney, it's the kidney.
No, no, I know because of the urine.
It's the worse than the rectal I got from the elephant man.
Oh, this is bad.
Oh, no, no, things are going black.
-Things are going black. -Oh, dad, dad, dad.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Why did you do this?
You were gonna stab that dickhead.
I thought the gays were supposed to be peaceful.
Wait a minute, you know?
Oh, please, of course I know.
I was hoping that Madison could turn you, but well,
she's just not hot enough.
No, she's not.
-You're totally hot. -Duh.
Why did you kill all those people?
I mean, what was he guilty of besides wearing bad sweaters?
No, he was gonna go to the media and let the people
know that I was blackmailing him.
I couldn't let that happen.
Especially during a campaign season.
And what about Pilmington?
He was running against me for mayor.
Hello!
Well what about Patch?
He who has the weed...
Has the power!
I know, save your breath.
You're dying, mayor.
What about that poor Britney girl?
Seriously, you want me to explain that to you?
No, no, no, no.
We get that one.
But dad, we're Prices.
We don't need to murder people to get what we want.
Son, I did it for Mooseheart.
Okay?
This town it thrives on murder mysteries.
Okay? It's already boosted the economy.
Wait, are you the candy corn killer?
Are you the candy corn killer?
Which by the way, before I die, I'd like to cop a feel.
No, I am not, but I did drop some candy corn just
to create some buzz.
-Connor, come here. -Dad, I'm here, I'm here.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, dad.
I don't believe your sorry, but I want you to
know that I am sorry for trying to make you into
someone who you weren't.
It's alright, dad. It's alright.
I'm guessing this is the end of my reelection campaign.
It is definitely.
Connor!
Yes, dad.
Where are you?
I'm here.
Connor, here, here.
This is very important.
Don't let the people know that I did it.
But dad, you slaughtered like three people.
I think... Yeah, it's too late for that.
No, no, it would ruin the town.
No, no, a political scandal is the last thing
No, just tell them that their wonderful mayor, he
was one of the killer's victims.
And that will legitimize the town is truly scary
and haunted...
And unsafe.
Dangerous.
Oh, sorry, I was snapchatting this.
Are we doing a bit?
Uh, this town is...
Too late. Mayor's dead. I tried.
We're not seriously gonna just swipe this under the rug.
Yeah.
He's the hero that Mooseheart needs.
Our silent guardian.
Our watchful protector.
He ain't doing any of that. He's dead.
Oh, Dark Knight.
Not a horror movie technically, but I get it.
You are my protector and my hero, Trent Modine.
[sappy music]
d
[grunts]
Stupid movie references.
I don't even own a--
Shh!
Take me to the lambo.
Peace.
d He who got the weed got the power d
d I'll meet you at your crib in an hour d
d Got the best green on the block d
d If you don't got my money you can suck my cock d
d You know I got my white boys with me d
[baby laughing]
that I am super, super grateful for the opportunity.
You will not be disappointed in me.
I'm gonna be the best intern you have ever seen.
Um, what about this box Mr. Mayor?
Oh!
And you're sure that you want iCarly on a 24 hour
loop in every room in the building?
Absolutely.
24/7.
Want a sucker?
Oh, thank you, Mr. Mayor.
Uh, I will get right on that.
[laughs]
[upbeat music]
d
And they never will.
[evil laughing]
[upbeat music]